Martinisms II

I think it's time for another round of Martinisms. As I've written before, my husband makes me laugh. A LOT. He lets fly with his Swabian wit and sardonic sense of humor pretty much every day, although he's not trying to be funny. I know readers can't get his tone of voice with a post like this, which is half the fun, but I just can't resist.

So here's Round II. My Swabian husband on...

Cats

Discussing his business partner's cat, who doesn't do one useful thing I'm aware of...

M: "Most cats sleep something like 20 hours a day."

B: "Barn cats don't! Melissa's barn cats do all kinds of stuff, and kill mice!"

M: "Yeah, every now and then they get up to appear busy."

doing what he does best

A Free Evening

B: "So, what are we going to do tonight?"

M: "You could watch your documentary."

B: "The one your mom told me about? About Friedrich II of Prussia?"

M: "Right."

B: "But what will you do?"

M: "I'll just be sad."

Talent

Discussing the young lad who gets cast for the role in the musical Tarzan, which we saw in Stuttgart...

M: "That must be tough. They have to find a young boy who can sing well and won't throw up when it's stuck to the ceiling."

Anatomy

Lying in bed discussing the fact that my skin was cold (I'm pretty much cold all the time)...

B: "Your skin is often cold, too."

M: "No it tisn't."  (British accent, remember)

B: "Yes it is. It's cold right now."

M: "It doesn't matter. My skin knows its purpose."

B: "And what is that?"

M: "To keep my bowels* from spilling out."                *guts

Guest Martinism I

In Vienna, sitting in a cafe with my Schwiegermutter, "P"...

B: "What was the name of that third museum we could have seen with the Globe and Papyrus Museums? It sounded like a Mexican guy's last name. Oh, I got it! Esperante!"
P (Giggling): "That's not a guy's last name, B. It's Esperan-TO. That was a language which was developed to possibly become a universal language."
B: "Oh...right. Now that museum sounds much more interesting."

Social Life

Talking about a couple we are acquainted with who owns a restaurant...

B: "They're such great people. It would be fun to be friends with them. But I guess they can't have much free time, running a successful restaurant."

M: "Well, that's perfect then. They can't have a social life, and we don't want one."

Health

I was being rather dramatic because of a zit on my face...

B: "Wirst du mich noch lieben, auch wenn ich die Pest habe?"  ("Will you still love me even if I have the plague?")

M: "Well, I won't love you for long, but yes."

Botany

Discussing our climbing climatis plants looking a bit dried up...

M: "They haven't been getting much water lately."

B: "They got a ton of water when it rained last week!"

M: "And you ate well a week ago Sunday."

B: "Hm. Good point."

Guest Martinism II

In Esslingen with my Schwiegermutter looking at the cute little swan babies paddling around in the canal...

B: "They're so cute!"

P: "They sure are. Hope the river rats don't get 'em this year."

swimming lesson in the Neckar canal

Family Psychology

After relating the above guest Martinism to M...

B: (laughing) "What is wrong with you people?!"

M: "We're serial realists."

The City of Love

Hearing that my daughter suggested Paris as a possible mother-daughter trip destination for last December...

M: "You go to Paris with your fiance, not your mother. You know. 'City of Love' and all that. So they can walk hand-in-hand along the Seine and get robbed by a local thug."

Nature

B: Asks some question about nature - probably about birds or lions or something.
M: "I don't know."
B: "Why don't you know that?"   (Seriously, the amount of stuff he does know is astonishing.)
M: "Because I'm not Dr. Bloody Bronowski."

Scenery

While on a walk one day through a residential neighborhood, seeing a woman's bum as she bent over working in her garden...

M: "See, that's why you crouch down while doing yardwork. It's easier on your back and on innocent passersby."

Perhaps you had to be there, and perhaps his sense of humor wouldn't suit you. But damn, he keeps me laughing! I hope to heaven you have someone in your life too, who can make you laugh just by being him- or herself.

For more:
Martinisms I
Martinisms III