Martinisms

I have loved M's sense of humor for many years. He is sarcastic, witty, dark at times, never cheesy, and keeps me laughing. I don't mind being the target of his humor occasionally, because I'm a realist. I believe that at the root of most humor lies some truth.

Not long after I moved to Germany I started a compilation of "Martinisms" - things he has said that make me laugh. I suppose in some cases, "you had to be there". And if you are one of those who can't laugh at yourself, you'll wonder why I laughed at some of his replies. But I can laugh at myself and my quirks, and I never doubt that he loves me.

In the hopes that you can find a chuckle in here somewhere, here is my dear husband on....

Romance

M: "I love you."
B (simultaneously): "I'm cold."
M: "I guess we both have our issues."

Cat-Sitting

M: "I'll be right back."
B:  "I can go with you."
M: "No, I'll be faster alone."
B:  "Well, don't walk too fast, or you'll have a heart attack."
M: "At least then I won't have to take care of the cat anymore."

Industriousness

After I slept most of the evening on the sofa...

B:  "I shouldn't be this tired!"
M: "Well, you DID pull an all-afternooner."

Warranties

Discussing the fact that I seem to be falling apart - hip pain, low iron, high cholesterol...

M: "I should have asked for the extended warranty, or 'missing warranty insurance'."
B:  "I don't think you'd have been able to get that for a model as old as the one you have."
M: "Yeah, true. Especially since it's second-hand."

Wildlife I

Peeking over my shoulder as I'm writing to my mom and saying there's no German word for chipmunk because I learned years ago there are no chipmunks in Germany...

M: "I think they're called Streifenhörnchen."

Beth switches the Wikipedia article to German and finds "Streifenhörnchen".

B:  "I'll be damned. But they're not native to Germany! Why would there be a German word for them?"
M: "We also have a word for 'elephant' even though they are not native to Germany either..."

Resourcefulness

After I grumbled about being cold in bed and M discovered I was lying on my blanket instead of under it...

M: "I'm not laughing at you. I'm just not quite impressed with the less-than-adequate use of resources."

Sympathy I

I'm in the kitchen slicing onions, and M walks in.

B: "Do you know a way to prevent my eyes filling up with tears while cutting these darn things?"
M: "Yes. Cut faster."

Wildlife II

Several years ago, M came as a guest to my German class and my students interviewed him.

Student: "Mr. H., do you like animals?" 

M: "It depends on the sauce."

World History

Discussing history lessons in German and American schools...

M: "They (German 7th graders) are too young to have learned about WWII yet. That's heavy stuff, and they have to learn about WWI first."
B:  "Well, we cover World History in one year."
M: "Yeah, and you START with the Greeks!"

Chivalry

Martin comes in from outside on a hot day.

M: "You women..."
B:  "What??"
M: "I just watched an Amselmännchen* dashing about, bringing food to his wife."
B:  "Awww...Where?"
M: "By the Rhododendron."
B:  "So, she was fanning herself under the cool bushes while he ran about bringing her dinner?"
M: "Yes. In his BLACK suit!"

  *an Amsel is a blackbird.

Wildlife III

B:  "So there are penguins in Antarctica, but the polar bears are in the north, right?"
M: "Right."
B:  "Why is that?"
M: "I guess they don't like to travel."

Sympathy II

B:  "I'm cold."
M: "Oh, that must be...haaaarrrrrdd*. I could get the vacuum cleaner if you like."**

  *reference to "It's not about the nail". If you haven't seen that, search youtube. Worth it!

  **I've often commented that doing housework warms me up.

Mortality

B:  "I ache, I need reading glasses, I'm having hot flashes...Does it EVER end?"
M: "Oh, it does..."

Care for more?
Martinisms II
Martinisms III