In the News IV

Other than the usual news about past, present, and pending train driver strikes, kindergarten personnel strikes, bus driver strikes, postal worker strikes, and injuries and deaths due to traffic accidents, there hasn't been a lot of stuff to report that you folks haven't heard about yourselves. For this thread I like to find unique blurbs that make me think, "Huh. Well that's new."

These are the stories that caught my eye recently.

High Dining

Did you know that a town in the Schwabenland - Baiersbronn - has more chefs with Michelin stars factoring for population than any other place in Germany? One of these star chefs has recently created several menus for Lufthansa! His name is Harald Wohlfahrt, he is one of Germany's best chefs, and apparently the New York Times counts him as one of the ten best chefs in the world*. He runs the Traube in Tonbach, and although M and I have been to Baiersbronn a few times, we have not yet eaten there. 

Passengers flying long distance with Lufthansa in May and June can enjoy his creations, which should be a real treat!

The only catch is that you have to fly first class.

*Kienzle, Ulrich. Ulrich Kienzle und die Siebzehn Schwaben. Sagas.edition, Stuttgart, 2012. Page 52.

Schwarzwälder-Bote WOM; 8. May, 2015

20 Year Anniversary: Stuttgarter Roßbolla

The "Stuagerder Roßbolla" is a tasty treat whose name translates to Stuttgart Road Apples, or Stuttgart Horse Turds. This should surprise no one who knows that another Swabian sweet is called Nonnenfürzle (little nuns' farts) and thick Swabian noodles are called Buabaspitzle (little boys' tips). These Roßbolla - chocolate-covered candies made of nougat, vanilla flavoring, hazelnuts, and more chocolate - were created  in 1995 by a Swabian confectionary and were intended to remember the days when steaming piles of horse dung were scattered all over Stuttgart's streets.

Ah....the memories.

source

23. May, 2015

Wanted: Executioners

Lately in Saudi Arabia there have been so many death sentences handed out (85 so far this year - almost as many as in the whole of 2014) that the country's six executioners are overwhelmed by the work load. The kingdom has advertised in its online job portal for eight men who are interested in being commissioned in the name of the religion to carry out the growing number of beheadings and chopping off of hands and/or legs in accordance with the Scharia laws. About half of those executed were foreigners, and about 40% of the executions were the result of drug offences.

No special qualifications are required of applicants (except, I guess, the willingness and ability to chop off another human being's head or limbs).

20. May, 2015

Dirty Germans??

According to a recent study, these days Germans are spending 2.5 fewer hours cleaning every week than they did ten years ago. While I have to doubt this is also the case in the Schwabenland, the question is whether German homes are dirtier or if there is some other meaning behind this strangeness. Four theories were offered.

1. Demographics: Perhaps the older generation spent more time cleaning, and since Oma is now in her 80s, she's spending less time with the Putzlappen (cleaning rag) and more time resting. Plausible.
2. Technology: The average German is more modern than his reputation. Max Mustermann* has bought a vacuum cleaner robot and he mows his lawn on Saturdays with a remote control mower. Among those who have money to burn, perhaps.
3. Cleaning Agencies: Modern Germans just don't have the time anymore, so they hire someone to clean their homes. Unlikely in the Schwabenland, but plausible elsewhere.
4. Young Helpers: A new generation of cleaning freaks is taking the work load off the older generation. When teenagers get bored with their smart phones and tablets, they grab the Putzlappen and help out their parents. Uh...possible, but unlikely.

It can't possibly be that German homes are dirtier, can it? If that's the case, I haven't seen the evidence. But, as former Schlagerstar Roberto Blanco crooned back in the 80s, "Ein bisschen Schmutz darf sein!" ("a little dirt is allowed!").

*Max Mustermann is the German name for Mr. Anybody - like John Doe in the U.S..

20. May, 2015

And thus endeth another installment of "In the News".

Expat Win

You gotta love it when you're reading a book about your Swabian neighbors and the writer includes a line in the Swabian dialect that you totally understand:

"Wenn er frech wird, dann hau i em abrr eine!"

("Wenn er frech wird, dann haue ich ihm aber eine!" or in English "If he screws with me, I'll give him one in the kisser!").

But when you look at the Hochdeutsch translation provided by the writer...

"Wenn er frech wird, dann ziehe ich ihm eins über!"

...you know you wouldn't have understood it.

Translating into English, I would have thought the Hochdeutsch line meant "...then I'll pull one over on him", which would mean to pull a prank on him. Not the same.

OMG...I'm getting there!

Unless you're an expat, you have no idea how much this means.

Mi Band & Smart Phone Update

I'm enjoying my Mi Band and slowly (painfully slowly) learning how to use the smart phone. Now that I've joined the ranks of smart phone users, the only hold-outs I know are my Schwiegermutter and my mother, whose purse was stolen the other day from a hotel lobby but her cell phone was discarded into an elevator. When she asked my daughter why someone would do that, my daughter told her "No one wants a phone like that."

[Side note: the purse was recovered the next day because the thief had tossed it into a public mailbox after removing the cash. Mom had to pay the U.S. post office $5.95 "postage due" to get it back.]

M showed me how to get a photo from the phone to my laptop where my photos are stored, but I wasn't impressed enough with the phone's camera to use it again. It will still be handy if when I get into a car accident and want to document the damage.

The photo I took: Pfingstrosen (peonies) in our garden

I do not know how you people thumb-type and so quickly too, but I do now understand why few people seem able to manage sending messages without tons of errors. Everytime I want N, I get M, and finding punctuation is a pain ("Ahh...That's why so many people don't bother with punctuation and capital letters! Because you have to hit an extra button or two..."). I spend more time on the backspace key than any other.

a note about your privacy:
"You don't have any. Press 'accept and continue'."

The apps I use most on my tablet are installed - dict.cc, unit converter, and list master - and of course the Mi Fit app. I was going to install the Esslingen app as well, but since I have my Schwiegermutter, I really don't need it. No phone would have the storage space to contain the information she has in her head, and the app can't answer questions.

I also installed the Kindle app in case of emergency (= I'm on the train and finish the actual book I brought with me), and I just downloaded a book I could read 1000 times and never tire of - Black Beauty.

The Mi Band and its app aren't exactly accurate, but there are some advantages. This morning, for instance, I walked from my bed to the WC to the sofa, and the Mi Band registered 197 steps. It was more like 40.

The advantage, though, is that so far I am more motivated to walk - enough to make sure I meet my wimpy current goal of 10,000 steps in a day. The other day the train strike prevented me from getting all the way home to Horb, so I took the S-Bahn to Herrenberg where M picked me up. I had to wait about 20 minutes for him, and because of the Mi Band on my wrist taunting me and reminding me I was only at 8000+ steps, I spent that time walking around the parking lot, down a street and back, around the Bahnhof, and through the parking lot again rather than just standing there reading.

It was no surprise to learn that I sleep very well and long enough. The Mi Band tells me what time I fell asleep, what time I woke up, and how many of those hours and minutes were deep sleep and half sleep. If I got up for any reason during the night, it tells me how many minutes I was up. I can't judge the accuracy of the sleep report, but I will say that it usually nails the time I go to sleep and the time I get up. I can also see my averages for the week.

I can't see any indication of the nap I took yesterday afternoon, though. I wonder if there's a nap app. I'll have to check into that.

I wonder if six months or a year from now I will be as skilled with my smart phone as everyone else seems to be with theirs. This is doubtful, since the other day I couldn't even figure out how to find "recent calls" on my old phone - and I've had that phone for 2 years.

M warned me already that I'll have to get used to charging the phone every night. I charged my old phone once every 2 weeks or so, so that will take some getting used to. Remember the days when we didn't have to charge anything we used? (I do!!) We just had to change our watch batteries every few years.

For those who already have a smart phone, the Mi Band is a very good deal for about €17 and free shipping from Tiny Deal.  You get some feedback about how much you move (or don't move) during the day and your sleeping patterns, and it might motivate you to park at the far end of the parking lot and get in some extra steps wherever you can.

And speaking of that, since it's already nearly 14:00 and I have only logged 3200 steps, I better get my sorry self off this chair and outside! Since the Mi Band counts steps through movement, I could just go into the kitchen and grate potatoes and carrots - but I don't want to start cheating this early in the game.

It's Just a Word

On Thursday evenings after dinner M and I watch a cooking show called "die Kochprofis". Three esteemed chefs from around Germany come to a restaurant that is failing for any number of reasons and try to help the owners out to turn their business around and be successful. The chefs all own their own restaurants, including one - Frank Oehler - who has a restaurant in Stuttgart, and they work very well together as a team.

Although there is sometimes too much silly drama, we watch it for the cooking tips and to see their reactions when they do the initial "Testessen" - their first step is to order a bunch of items from the menu and see what kind of quality they get, assess the prices, and check out the service. Usually they are able to work with the cooks, service personnel, and owners and save the restaurant, but sometimes the place closes.

But this post isn't really about that show. It's about cursing, swearing, and cussing in Germany - basically using the kinds of words that led to my parents threatening to wash my mouth my brother's mouth out with soap when we were young.

Where's the connection? Look at the shirt Andi (on the right) was wearing in a recent episode of "die Kochprofis":

I don't know what the bottom part says, but it seems to be some creative version of the word "anyway."

This is something I've only realized since moving here - many Germans have no idea how offensive and shocking "the f-word" is. If he knew how inappropriate it is and that English speakers watch their show, I highly doubt Andi would have worn that shirt any more than he would have worn a shirt that says "fick dich".

I am not dissing the show, and my intention is not to criticize Andi's fashion decisions. It's not just about this t-shirt. We also like to watch "Schlag den Raab", a periodic prime time game show in which a contestant competes against well-known entertainer Stefan Raab in a bunch of silly games, trivia contests, and physical challenges that goes on for hours, and it is extremely common for Stefan to yell "FUCK!" when he screws up. Granted, with the German accent it sounds more like the last name of the biathlon competitor Jakov Fak, so "FAHK!", but still. I'm not personally offended by the word; it just takes some getting used to hearing and seeing it so publicly.

A teen comedy (rated for 12-year-olds and up) that came out a year or two ago in Germany is called Fack ju Göhte ("Fuck you, Goethe*"), and a fourth grader walking past me on his way out of school the other day shouted that as he opened the door. I'm guessing he had no idea what he was yelling, but it was a bit of a shock for me. That word can't even be used in the dialog of a movie rated lower than R (not for children under 17) in America, if I'm not mistaken.

   *Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832) was one of Germany's most famous writers and poets.

Just two days ago on the train a group of school kids settled in the previously quiet car where I was, and the first thing I heard as they started looking for seats was "Fuck!" followed by "Shit!" for no apparent reason (there were plenty of seats).

Curse words in German or English are not censored on the radio or on TV here - they're just words, I guess. And again, it's important for English speakers who might otherwise be taken aback to understand that Germans just don't get how inappropriate some of those English words are. Ok, among friends it's not a big deal to cuss - but to hear "fuck" and "shit" rather than "BEEEEEP" on TV, in songs, and in conversations in the school yard or to see them so prominent on a t-shirt... it's just strange.

But why do (some) Germans* think the word "fuck" is not that bad? I think I've figured that out.

*Disclaimer: I have to say that none of the Germans I know personally go around saying that word, and those I have heard use it are either in my generation or younger. I surely never heard that word here back in the 80s when I was on the exchange... Maybe this is an example of how language changes over the years.

It's a real hoot to watch American shows on "the man channel" (DMAX) about truckers, loggers, sasquatch hunters, moonshiners in Appalachia, and so on, because those characters curse with every few words, and the lips are pixeled out but the words aren't bleeped. You hear the English pretty clearly in the background but the German is dubbed over the top, and the swear words are totally toned down.

In this clip from German comedian Michael Mittermeier, he has recently returned from a trip to New York and has to unlearn how to insert "fuck" into every sentence, (just like we English speakers over the age of 35 have to unlearn inserting "like" into every clause). He shows how ridiculous this would sound in German.

Basically based on American TV shows and movies, comedy sketches, popular songs, and undoubtedly what they read online, Germans think Americans curse all the time and use "fuck" most often.

I'm not a prude, or at least not much of one. I have been known to curse like a drunken sailor when in pain, but I normally feel guilty afterwards. I use curse words in my blog when more creative adjectives just don't cut it. On the one hand they're just words. On the other, I wouldn't say "fuck" in front of my parents or Schwiegermutter - and they'll probably find it quite shocking to read it so often in this blog post!

I think Germans' casual use of "fuck" may be similar to Americans not understanding how intense the words "bloody" and "bugger" are to the Brits. We think they sound cute - at least I do! In fact, to Americans those are nice alternatives to the words we're not allowed to say. But - unless things have changed drastically in recent years - those are vulgar words in the UK - the equivalent of "fucking" and "fucker." British readers - am I right or wrong?

The typical German curse words are just not so bad. Really, the worst [non-blasphemous] ones are the equivalent of "damn" and "crap". When someone says, "Ach, dieses Scheißwetter!," he's only saying, "Ach, this crappy weather!" I have seen, however, in the English subtitles of German movies, where that phrase is translated to "this fucking weather."

It is no wonder the Germans think we Americans say "fuck" all the time, and that it must therefore not be a very bad word.

This whole use of English curse words in Germany is something I've started warning our exchange students about. I tell the Germans heading over to Sheboygan, Wisconsin very specifically which words they must avoid using in this very conservative community, and I tell the American exchange families that their kids will come across these "bad words" while they're in  Germany. I would share this post with this year's Sheboygan students and their families, but I am quite certain the parents would not allow their children (7th and 8th graders) to read it because of the uncensored and repeated use of "the f-word" in it.

I wonder why these words come across as shocking, vulgar, and offensive. Who decided these are the words we can't say? Why do we scold kids for saying "shitty weather" but not for saying "crappy weather"? Aren't shit and crap the same thing? And why, when I ram my toe into the foot of the bed, do I feel so much better after saying "Shit!" than if I'd said "Darn!"?


Ah, the mysteries of language...

My Mi Band

I ordered a Mi Band fitness tracker and it arrived the other day. One of the guys at the office had one, and after he showed me what it can do (very basic; no bells or whistles), I ordered one. Well, I ordered three - one for my daughter, one for M, and one for me.

Unlike the popular Fitbit, which is over $100, the Mi Band costs just $18 and includes free shipping, at least to Germany. It can count steps (though it's not completely accurate, of course), track sleep patterns, tell you what time you fell asleep and what time you woke up, vibrate to tell you your phone is ringing when you have the ringer silenced, and vibrate gently as an alarm to start waking you up before your obnoxious alarm jolts you out of a deep sleep. Our friend said having the thing on his wrist has not proven to be motivation to move or exercise more, but I figured it would work on me for a while. Having visual proof of how lazy I am should kick my ass into moving more, especially since we live in an area that has oodles of fabulous walking/running/biking paths.

The Mi Band comes with everything you see here:
the band, a USB charger, a nice sturdy box, and set-up directions in Chinese

I have absolutely no problem with the lack of English (or any other western language) on the instructions, but I was glad our friend was available to help me set it up since he knew what to do.

Unfortunately, one needs a smart phone to install the app to see the data. Damn. I have no smart phone. I have a tablet (Nexus 7), so we thought that would work. After 45 minutes of trying, our friend figured out that my Nexus doesn't have a new enough Bluetooth (it requires 4.0). Right, so I can wear my Mi Band, but I can't get any data from it.

That evening M figured out that his smart phone doesn't have the right Bluetooth either.  That didn't matter anyway, because he was unwilling to give the Mi Band app access to all the data from his phone that it requires - address books, calendar, blood type, shoe size...), so he wouldn't have installed the app anyway.

BUT...his tablet does have all the right stuff, so he installed the app on it. Now my Mi Band is linked with his tablet, to which I don't have the password (we respect each other's privacy like that). This is where it gets weird. He knows how many steps I walked in a day before I do.

The first steps I recorded were from my laptop to the freezer for an ice cream bar. I more than doubled my steps when I brought the empty stick to the garbage and the wrapper to the gelber Sack (recyclables bag).

On my first night I got 8 hours 38 minutes of sleep (Thursday was a holiday, so I slept in), and 4 of those hours were deep sleep. Don't hate me - sleeping has rarely been a problem for me, except on airplanes.

For 2 1/2 years he has asked me every morning "Did you sleep well?" This morning when I got up he said, "I don't have to ask you if you slept well. I already checked."

So M decided yesterday to get me a smart phone. I have never wanted or needed one up to now because I do not need to check email or do anything else online when I'm not at home or at my Schwiegermutter's house. But I think it's sweet that he's willing to buy one for me, and he found a pretty simple one for the bargain price of €125.

What this means is that, instead of spending €100+ on a fancy Fitbit, I bought the cheaper Mi Band for just €16, and then had to buy a smart phone for €125. Suddenly the Mi Band isn't such a bargain afterall.

But hey, if all of that turns me into this, it's all good.

source