Martinisms III

It's been more than a year since I last wrote a post about how my husband keeps me laughing, and since what's going on in the world these days is just too heavy to write about, I thought it was time for another installment of Martinisms.

Here is my sometimes sardonic, dark-humored, witty Swabian husband on...

Swabian Frugality

I was reading one of my many books about Swabians and the Swabian dialect, and I commented:

    B: "This book is so old, "a Zehnerle" is translated as "ein 10-Pfennig-Stück."*

    M: "Well, Swabians still have plenty of those."

*the Pfennig was the currency (coin) in Germany before the Euro came to circulatory life in 2002.

source

Healthcare

After seeing a preview to a doctor drama TV show...

    B: "Ooh, that would be nice, waking up to a doctor as good-looking as that leaning over me!"

    M: "Sure, until you find out he only treats privately-insured patients."

Dr. Gonzo Gates (Gregory Harrison) - I had a major crush on him
in my youth.  Photo from Pinterest

Wordless Martinism

M was grilling, and I was sitting at the patio table reading a book.

    B: "I'd like you to know that I just had a question I decided not to ask because I'm not supposed to chit-chat by the grill."

    (M grins but is otherwise silent.  Silence.  More silence. I read on for a moment.)

    B: "You should also know that I'm not at all surprised that you did not just now ask what my question was."

Bucket Lists

Every now and then we discuss things that have to be done with the house in case I outlive M. There are tons of things he takes care of that I don't have a clue about and need to learn!

    M: "We have to pay property taxes."

    B:  "That's not automatic? How often?"

    M: "Every 3 months. I can probably set that up to be automatic."

    B:  "Take care of that before...you know..."

    M: "Ok, can you put that on my bucket list?"

    B:  "That's not exactly what a bucket list is for."

Biblical Geography

Every now and then we have a Biblical dispute.

    B:  "Jesus was crucified at Calvary."

    M: "No, it was Golgatha."

    B:  "No, really, it WAS Calvary. I left the church long after you did*, and I know this."

Turns out Calvary is Golgatha. Who knew?

*In Germany if you declare being of a specific religion, you pay a church tax (8% of one's income tax in our state), so I abnegated the whole business.

Stadtkirche, Esslingen

Latin

I was reading a book in which this Latin phrase appeared, and I know M took Latin in school...

    B:  "Do you know what 'Caput tuum in ano est' means?"

    M:  [ponders...]  "Head of yours, in ass is."  [Your head is up your ass.]

    B:  "No way! How do you say, 'Head of HIS, in ass is'?"

    M: "Hm...'Caput suum in anus est.'  No wait!  '...in ANO est.' Because it's locative."

    B:  "Of course it is."   (Thinks: "What the hell is 'locative'?")

Anger Management

While snacking on a fresh warm pretzel with butter (Butterbrezel):

    M: "I don't know how you Americans manage without being able to have a Butterbrezel every now and then."

          [Munch, munch]  "That's probably why you need guns."

Apologies

While watching some TV show in which work had stopped because one character refused to apologize for something...

    B: "Why on earth wouldn't the guy just say 'I'm sorry' if that's what it takes to move on and get a job done?"

    M: "It makes our balls shrivel to apologize to another alpha male."

Sharing

    B: "There's been quite a bit of drama lately that I haven't told you about. Your mom will assume you know about it, 

           though, so if you want, on the way to Esslingen I can tell you."

    M: "Or I can just shake my head knowingly."

Pretty Little Lies

We had a darling little hedgehog visit our house last year, and when we saw him the second time, I named him George. During a particularly cold spell at the end of April after it snowed...

    B:  "Poor George! His toes must be cold! He could have died from the cold."

    M: "Yes, he could have."

    B:  [with a shocked, indignant look] "That's not what you're supposed to say!"

    M: "Uh, oh....sorry. I....he...I'm sure he's fine."

George

Marital Bliss

A few weeks ago we attended the wedding of one of M's employees. At the beginning of the ceremony, when the lad was standing in front of the church waiting for his bride to appear....

  

    B:  (feeling all sentimental) "I wonder if he'll cry."

    M: "Well, sooner or later, he will."

Sonntagsruhe

On a Sunday while M was at the office briefly, I vacuumed the kitchen floor. He came home in the middle of my crime.

    M: "What will the neighbors think?! Vacuuming with the windows open on Sunday..."

    B:  "Look, if I have a dirty floor on a Sunday, I'm going to sweep my floor on a Sunday."

    M: "No one would object if you'd swept the floor..."

I have a Word document where I save all these gems, and it's 8 pages long by now! Some of them are...ähm...not for public viewing, and others I've censored out because you really have to know us well to understand why I can laugh at some of his comments. The most important thing, though, is that we laugh a lot together and enjoy each day.


I hope you have a good laugh today!!


For more of his humor:
  Martinisms I
  Martinisms II