Toastbrot is the processed, packaged-in-plastic bread that has a shelf life of about three weeks and is really only good for making...well, toast. It comes in white or wheat varieties, the slices are 9 cm (about 3.5 inches) square, and they fit nicely into the toaster. No self-respecting German would eat that bread "raw", though this is the closest to what Americans normally use for sandwiches. Its quality is a bit better than Wonderbread®, but eaten raw it still sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Germans have this idea that everything in America is BIG. I wonder how they got that idea... Anyway, this is Toastbrot marketed for the benefit of visiting Americans, complete with American flag design on the packaging to draw us in:
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| Look! It's American bread! |
Why is it American sandwich bread? Because it's....50% bigger than regular German Toastbrot. These huge honkin' slices of squishy packaged bread are 11 cm by delicious 11 cm of good ol' processed American goodness. The package says a special dough is used to keep the bread extra soft - just like Americans like it.
Here you can see a slice of the little German Toastbrot next to the big mother slice of American sandwich bread.
The whole bigger is better thing in America is widely known here, as seen in American movies and TV shows aired on German TV - SUVs and family vans, TVs, houses, garages, yards, hotels, beds, parking lots, super stores, garbage cans...
And it's not just a false perception of Germans. I bought this bottle of cold medicine in the U.S. last time I was there, but only noticed the "50% bigger" label the other day. Wait, this is medicine. "Bigger" medicine? Didn't they mean 50% more effective? Nope. Just bigger. As in this 8-ounce bottle is bigger. 50% bigger than what? Read the fine print.
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| "50% bigger than our 8-ounce size" Thanks for the math lesson. |
This bottle contains 12 ounces - not just 8! - of near-coma-inducing elixir. It tastes like shit (though with a little imagination the green flavor can taste vaguely like ouzo), but a dram of this and I can only hang on for about 24 minutes before I'm out cold for the rest of the night. Despite her many faults, America does know how to do cold medicine.
Back to the BIGASS AMERICAN sandwich bread, in trying to figure out what to do with all this Toastbrot I bought, I decided I could make french toast (Germans call that Armer Ritter, or "poor knight") for brunch this morning. I haven't made that in a coon's age, and I have all the ingredients I need including maple syrup, which is totally uncommon here (it's too sweet for the Germans). The only trouble is that I'll have to squish or cut the American sandwich bread to fit two pieces into my German pan.
Oh, you had me rolling at 'green flavor can taste vaguely like ouzo' -- no wonder why I can't stand ouzo; it all makes sense now ;) I've been chugging the cold syrup all week myself after being crazy sick. I even got to the point that I looked at the medicinal teas at DM but then said forget it. My head hurt too much to try to decipher what might be useful.
ReplyDeleteFor daytime I can highly recommend the "Aspirin Complex" powder shown in my Wordless Wednesday post. Medicine works differently for everyone, but I only felt alive again after taking two packets of that in a glass of water. Tasted better than ouzo, too, if only by a little. ;-)
DeleteOh, and the whole "Hawaii toast" thing slays me. Actually, any restaurant that offers a fine selection of "toasts" slays me. That concept reminds me of what my mother would throw together if she had a long day and didn't really want to cook.
ReplyDeleteExactly - that's the only time we make Toast Hawaii. It's like a grilled cheese sandwich - which I never liked as a kid. A quick and lazy meal that keeps you from going to bed hungry but is utterly unsatisfying. However, all this made my German husband decide on a "bigass American sandwich" for lunch. He put everything on it that we had in the fridge: ham, turkey, venison salami, lettuce, cucumber, carrot ribbons, red pepper, ketchup, mustard, and mayo!
ReplyDeleteMy host family definitely judges me when I eat "toast" raw, lol! Whatever -- sometimes I just want a tasty, fresh, processed sandwich that isn't crusty. Also, we have maple syrup here, but it's definitely marketed towards Canadians which I found funny.
ReplyDeleteWell, you know - the maple leaf and all that. ;-) I've got "Pure Wisconsin Maple Syrup" here. It's funny, but most of our 7th grade exchange students come back from Wisconsin and say they hated having only sweet food options for breakfast - pancakes with syrup, sweet rolls, sugary cereals...when they wanted now and then a roll with deli meat and cheese. But for Americans, that's lunch!
DeleteExactly! Although I must admit I have taken to eating a fancy brötchen (with sunflower seeds, my fave!) with ham and cheese for breakfast on the weekends here. Although I usually follow that up with a normal bun with peanut butter and jam. I guess I am still in that sweet breakfast mindset too!
ReplyDelete"I haven't made that in a coon's age" -- is that really a saying?
ReplyDeleteAnyways, the pictures you take with this professional backdrop cracks me up. I feel like you should be selling these pictures to the advertisers for these products.
It sho is! It's "hillbilly slang," apparently, According to the Urban dictionary, it's roughly 8 1/2 years, so I should have gone with "in donkey's years," which is longer. :-)
DeleteI will admit many of those pictures are taken by my husband, who is the better photographer. The things he does for me...
Oh, and "coon" is short for raccoon, which I hope was obvious but might not have been. 'Parently raccoons live about 8 1/2 years.
DeleteHa ha, this post made me laugh! I always found it funny that American products are marketed with giant star-spangled flags in Germany. Or cowboy theme...lol
ReplyDeleteOur grocery store has "American steaks" as well - complete with spangled stars on the wrapping. They are, however, not thick enough to resemble actual American steaks.
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