I have always liked the look and feel of Lederhosen. I don’t mean the kitschig ones you find in Bavarian tourist shops, but serious Lederhosen that are worn for real purposes.
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| However, he (my son) looked darn cute in these! |
Many Jäger and Falkner wear Lederhosen, and when M and I went to die Hubert (an outdoor hunter’s trade fair) a few weeks ago, we found a stand called Only Kumar Leathers. The Lederhosen on display looked so fabulous, and fit the models perfectly, of course. We passed the booth twice and I finally inquired about trying on a pair. Kumar sized me up, grabbed a pair, and pointed me into the changing stall. As I went in he said something to me that sounded like, “If you can’t get them zipped, let me know.” Uhh…Right.
In the
changing stall there hung a sheet of instructions in German and in French. It
told me, if I can’t get the Lederhosen past my thighs, to wackel
my Po and dance around a little. We women have plenty of experience doing
this with jeans, so I was undaunted. Suddenly an arm appeared inside the stall
attached to another instruction sheet, this one in English. Kumar had overheard
M and me speaking English to each other. Nice gesture. A little pulling, a
little wackeling, a little more wackeling… Ok! I got them up so
that my Po was in the seat of the pants. However, ain’t no way those Hosen
are closin’.
I stood
there undecided and not a little dejected, loving the feel of the leather but
knowing these Lederhosen would not be going home with me. Kumar inquired
from the other side of the curtain, “How’s it going?” I told him they’re on but won’t close. He
said, “No, no, we’ll get them closed. Come on out!”
Now, when I
tell you these Lederhosen wouldn’t close, I don’t mean it was close. I
mean there's no elastic in that waistband and I had a good 6-7 cm of empty space between
the button and the button hole.
I opened
the curtain, he told me to hold up my sweatshirt, and he reached over, grabbed
the open sides of the waist and said, “No problem.” I’m thinking, “YES
Problem!!” He told me to suck in, he wrenched the waistline from left and right
until…holy cats. He got them closed. What black magic is this?? He told me to
zip them up, which I could now do.
Ok, super. Now that I feel and surely look like 10 pounds of potatoes in a 5-pound sack, I start to wonder how long I should wait before I say “Thanks, but no thanks,” wiggle my way out of those pants and flee. Kumar then told me to do 5 knee squats. Are you mad?!?! If I even take a step, the snap is going to fly off and take someone’s eye out! He told me to trust him and do the squats. I did, and nothing broke. Those seams must be sewn with the devil’s sinews.
He told me to sit in the chair. Again, as any woman in tight jeans knows, standing is wiser. By now I began to trust that Kumar does, in fact, know what he’s doing, so I sat down. Still nothing burst. Interesting. Kumar convinced me that Lederhosen have to be tight at first. With wear they mould to your body and shape and end up fitting you like a second skin.
Skipping a
bit here, we ordered a pair and they arrived the other day. They came with
instructions for putting them on, and this is where it gets funny.
My translation:
So that the
Lederhosen fit and sit well for the long haul, they need to be tight at
first. If you don’t get the pants over your butt right away, wiggle your hips side to side, pull your gut in, and hold your breath (just like you do when you
try on jeans)!
IMPORTANT:
When you’ve got the Lederhosen closed, breathe again! If, when putting
them on the first time, you did not break into a sweat, you have not found the
right size yet! [Note:
Apparently I had found the right size.] Lederhosen
will stretch with time in the waist about 2-3 cm and below the waist 3-5 cm.
But only when there is tension!
After you’ve
got the Lederhosen on, hold the waist snap and do 4 to 5 knee bends and
notice how the leather gives. [Not feelin’ that just yet, Kumar.] Keep the Lederhosen
on for a while even if you don’t yet feel good in them. When they take on your
body temperature and stretch a little, that nice feeling will come by
itself. [Still waiting, Kumar.]
Armed with
those instructions, I gave it a whirl. Although I got them over my Po with
just a bit of effort, I definitely had to lie flat on the living room floor to
let gravity help me get them snapped, hooked and zipped (another trick with which we
women are well familiar). Not being a quitter, I eventually succeeded and was
even able to get myself off the floor. Knee bends, sitting on the coffee table,
walking around, all good. Relaxing on the sofa with a book, not so much.
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| Hey, they're closed. Gravity be praised. |
I do trust Kumar. These Lederhosen are not cheap (good leather never is), and
he would not still be in business if he didn’t know what he was doing. They’re
still tight, but there’s nothing like the feel of leather and I’m confident
I’ll eventually be able to wear these Lederhosen in public.
