Driving in Germany 11: Next Time I'll Take the Train

For those of you who do not live in Germany but have heard that there are no speed limits on the Autobahn and think, "Wow, that must be SOOO fun!!!!", I've got news for you.

It's true there are stretches here and there without speed limits where the nutcases drive like bats out of hell flashing their lights and waving their arms like maniacs when they have to slow down to 120 mph because you started passing a semi before they appeared in your rearview mirror. On my drive from home to Esslingen there are two such stretches. I go about 76 mph (120km/h) and sometimes creep up to 80 mph because there's just no blinking reason to drive faster than that. I regularly have cars flying past me in the left lane, which I avoid like the plague.

The thing I want to tell you about today, however, is not about racing on the Autobahn. It's the reason why it so often doesn't make any different that there are sections without speed limits. I'm talking about Staus. Traffic jams.

Tonight I had a meeting to attend in Esslingen for our exchange program. Knowing how problematic traffic can be, especially during rush hour, I left at 15:00 for the 19:00 meeting. I did this last week also - though with fewer problems than today - and spent the extra time at my Schwiegermutter's home, where I talked her ear off as usual and then we had a light dinner together.

The drive is 46 miles (75 km) and should take about an hour. When I'm driving it takes about an hour and 10 minutes.

Today after 90 minutes of driving, I was 2 km beyond halfway. I bailed in Sindelfingen, pulled into some bus parking lot near the Mercedes Benz Customer Center, called my Schwiegermutter and said I was turning around - after several failed attempts at figuring out how to make a call with my damn smartphone while shouting profanities at it.

Part of the reason I quit was because despite having driven 25 miles (40 km) in 90 minutes, the GPS was telling me my estimated time of arrival was still 80 minutes away. The Stau that I had been sitting in for about an hour already was not going to dissipate. And looking ahead I could see another on ramp with cars and semis creeping along at a child's pace merging onto the Autobahn where I was.

Poor Katja (that's our GPS) had been trying repeatedly since before I got onto the Autobahn to lead me on other routes, but I know only one way to get to Esslingen and hate driving on unfamiliar roads. Keeping my attention on the road, other wild drivers, and Katja because I don't know where I am or where I'm going is just too much. So I took my chances with whatever she was trying to steer me away from.

When I finally took Katja's "This is your third and final last chance" advice to exit at Sindelfingen, she was telling me I still had more than an hour to go. That was no problem really, because M had filled the tank on Sunday and I still had plenty of time before the start of the meeting. But then she started asking me questions. I'm driving in unfamiliar territory into what is rapidly becoming rush hour traffic, and now I'm supposed to accept or reject multiple suggestions from Katja?? Just give me ONE route and shut up! But no, she had to ask me if I wanted to cut 9 minutes off my new route. It is hugely unwise to take one's eyes off the road to discuss options with the GPS, but I clicked the "ja" button hoping she'd just carry on. Silly me. She recalculated and told me to do a U-turn.

Nope. I'm done.

After I called my Schwiegermutter and calmed down, I got back in the car and told Katja to get me home. Thirty minutes later, I started typing this blog post.

Yep, driving on the Autobahn is loads of fun. A real blast. I wonder if it is a bad sign that, as I left our house and locked the front door, I actually said aloud but quietly, "Please let this not be the end."

Trains. 'Nuf said.

Driving in Germany 10: Checklist update

I tackled a big hurdle this week. I drove alone to and from Esslingen for an evening meeting. This was the first time I have driven that far (75 km or 46 miles one way) without M in the car with me as a nervous passenger with his phantom brake and a firm clutch on the door handle. The drive should take an hour, but I left home more than 3 hours before the meeting knowing I could hang out at my Schwiegermutter's place until the meeting we'd both be attending. It's a good thing I left early because the drive there was basically a game of connect-the-Staus (traffic jams), and it took 2 hours and 15 minutes. John Denver kept me cheerful during the longest of the the Staus. Thanks, John!

The good thing about getting stuck in traffic jams is that other drivers' reckless speed is not a problem. I just remained in my lane, stayed a safe distance from the guy in front of me, and kept an eye out for the crazies.

The drive home was partly after dark but pretty uneventful. There was one Stau, but it didn't last too long. I saw no wild pigs dashing about on the Autobahn, so that was good, too. I did hear on the Verkehrsfunk that drivers needed to be careful on another Autobahn because there was a Schrank lying on the road. That's a cabinet, folks. There was a cabinet lying on the freeway.

I actually checked off several items from my driving to-do list:

   Driving back from Esslingen

   Driving to or and from Esslingen on a week day

   Driving into and parking in a parking garage

   Driving out of a parking garage

   Driving to and from a place other than Esslingen

   Driving in a big city (Esslingen has only 90,000 inhabitants)

   Driving with the radio on or a passenger talking

   Overtaking a slow car on a two-lane road (I have already overtaken a tractor and a bicycle…)

I did overtake cars on the Autobahn, but that wasn't on my list. The fastest I drove was 130 km/h  (80 mph), but that was only briefly. Even on the Autobahn, I just don't see any reason for me to drive faster than 120 (74.5 mph). I mean, there could be a cabinet lying on the freeway, and I have a better chance of avoiding slamming into it if I'm not driving faster than my eyes can focus. And yes, German readers, I stay in the right lane except when overtaking.

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Yeah, that's a little bit what it feels like. It only took me two years, nine months, two weeks, and five days to gather the nerve to drive 46 miles from home. And back.  Boo YAH!

Driving 9: Dear German Drivers

Dear Patient German Drivers,

Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much it means to me when you keep a safe distance behind me until we come to one of the four places in southern Germany where it seems safe for you to overtake me.

With heartfelt gratitude,
Ami im Schwabenland


Dear All You Other Nimrods,

Look, I know you need to get to your destination. So do I. It would be great if you could do all you can to make sure we both get there. I swear, I'm doing my best. I may not be driving as fast as you think I should, but if I drive any faster on these narrow winding Black Forest roads, I will hit something. I really am going as fast as it is safe for me to go, and you hanging on my rear so close you could climb into my trunk is not helping either of us.

Here's the thing:

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And that's quite an understatement. I'm terrified. I suppose I love life just a little too much at the moment, but I'm not ready to crash into a wall, into you, into a tree, or hurl down a steep Black Forest cliff because I had to veer off the road to avoid hitting you, even though the terrain and scenery are pretty enough to make for a nice final resting place.

Just the other day there was yet another terrible accident on the adequately-wide though shoulderless road between our town and the next in which the two drivers were critically injured and transported to the hospital. This happened at 2:15 in the afternoon and the cause of the head-on collision was one driver overtaking another, failing to notice a car in the oncoming lane at the moment he chose to pass. Visibility was limited due to a slight hill and a curve, and that's where he chose to overtake the guy in front of him.

The next time you are stuck behind someone who is driving cautiously around blind curves, braking because oncoming traffic has drifted across the center line, or for whatever other reason too slowly for your taste, imagine that it's your daughter, who is a new driver getting used to the dangers of the road. If you don't have a daughter, consider some other person you hold dear and tell yourself it's him or her.

Back off and be patient. I don't know about you, but I think it would be better for you to have to spend 3 extra minutes on the road because I'm slowing you down than for you to have to spend the next ten days or weeks in the hospital recuperating from the head-on collision you caused in your need to pass me. I promise you, I am not going to speed up just because you are determined to kiss my tailpipe.

Sincerely,
Ami im Schwabenland

P.S. No, I am not going to pass the guy in front of me for any reason at any time. That is why I am leaving enough distance between him and me. Feel free, but for the love of all that's holy, wait until it's safe!

*****
I found out today that I will have to drive 30 miles through the Black Forest tomorrow to get to my volunteer thingy. I was going to hitch a ride with another volunteer, but she's been called in to work. Immediately after I got the phone call, my stomach started to rebel and my back began to ache fiercely. M came home from the office early so we could make a practice drive to the place I have to drive tomorrow. He chose a different route from our GPS because that would have led me along narrower, scarier roads. So I made the drive there this evening and am not looking forward to repeating the experience tomorrow.

I wonder if my public health insurance covers fear therapy. I'll be checking into that...

Driving in Germany 8: Don't Flinch!!

Seven months ago I gave up driving in Germany except for a few places near our home to which I have to drive - like the grocery store and the local Bahnhof. I ended that blog post with a picture of a sad puppy because puppies make everything better.

"Please don't ever make me drive again."

Last week we got a new car, and yesterday I decided to try it again (it = driving). The mere fact that I did drive the 14 km (8.7 miles) from home to Nagold on a new (for me) road is reason enough for me to feel good. Then M took over as we meandered through the Schwarzwald, often behind cars driving as slowly as I was on the way to Nagold, but I also drove the 14 km home from Freudenstadt.

Yesterday morning I was all...

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Still a little freaked out, but willing to consider another step.

The key to being suddenly willing to drive those harrowing 14 km is apparently having a car with an automatic transmission. That's a bit silly since I've owned nothing but stick-shift cars since 1998, but whatever works. It's one less thing to think about while driving, so that's probably the difference.

The issues and fears I still have to face and overcome are...

Narrow Roads

My depth perception has never been great, so the narrow roads seem even narrower to me than they are. As I've written before, there are no comforting shoulders on the sides of roads, but rather thick wooden posts, ditches, curbs, stone walls, cliffs, or rocky crags.

Isn't that pretty? Notice this particular road is too narrow for a painted center line. I do realize you can't see how narrow the road is, but according to road width minimums, it is probably 5.5 meters wide (18 feet). It really does feel like 30 seconds into this clip from The Holiday.

Oh, and the speed limit here is 100 km/h (62 mph).

This nice wide road with a painted center line below is a whole meter wider - 6.5 m (21 feet). Please, someone in Wisconsin, go outside and measure the width of the street in front of your house where the speed limit is 40 km/h (25 mph), and let me know what it is curb to curb.

Notice the curb and sidewalk right at the edge of the lane. If you flinch, you tear off a wheel or screw up your alignment. M's solution?  "Don't flinch."  Speed limit here is also 100 km/h whether or not pedestrians are present.

Rain

It rained the whole time we were out today - one of those steady, dull it's-going-to-rain-ALL-DAY-LONG rains. Maybe it's because I'm getting old, but visibility was not great, the windshield wipers were distracting, and oncoming cars were noisy. Which brings me to...

Oncoming Traffic

See, if all roads in Germany were one-way roads, I'd be much more comfortable. The way it is, though, oncoming cars are part of the game. They usually stay in their lane, but you can't completely rely on that - especially in curves, and especially the big trucks. I hold my breath when we pass oncoming cars whether I'm driving or not if we're going faster than 50 km/h (31 mph), or, when I'm not the one driving, I use my "anti-panic glasses" (close my eyes). Those are most helpful.

The slightest flinch with oncoming traffic could cause a terrible accident. So again - "Don't flinch!"

I honestly don't know how people get comfortable with this.

Blind Curves

Blind curves at 50 km/h (31 mph) are not a problem at all. We've got four or five of those in Wisconsin, as well. But at 100 km/h, they feel suicidal. In a forest. In the rain. On a road too narrow for a painted center line. With possible oncoming traffic.

Admittedly, while the speed limit here is 100 km/h, M was not driving that fast around this blind curve. I don't know how fast he was going because I put on my anti-panic glasses right after I took this picture. He drives very sensibly, but a hell of a lot faster than I do.

At one point on the windy road down into the valley on the way to Nagold, I dared to glance at our Navi/GPS to see what the speed limit was. I was going what felt like a daring and slightly reckless 60 km/h (37 mph) with no one behind me. "You cannot possibly tell me that the speed limit here is 100!" Indeed it was.

To make this clearer to my American readers, where I felt like 37 mph was fast enough for the narrow curvy road, the posted speed limit was only slightly below the fastest speed allowed on Wisconsin freeways. Freeways.

Maybe that's one of my problems - in the U.S. the posted speed limit says, "If you can't go as fast as 55 mph on this road, you probably shouldn't be driving here." Here in Germany the posted limit says "If you're not going at least 100 km/h, you're going to have someone tailgating you who will probably get impatient enough to overtake you in a dangerous spot and cause frayed nerves or a bad accident, so get your ass moving. P.S. Don't flinch."

I don't know how it will go from now on, but things are looking up a little. I can at least get to two nice towns within 10 miles from our home without having to rely on the bus. With a little more practice, who knows what's possible?

Oh, and M told me afterwards that I did fairly well this time. So now I'm all...

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At least I'm still on my feet.

In the News II

Several gems came up this week in both the newspaper and on an alternative news program we watched on Saturday evening.

First, from the local paper on Wednesday, 21. January...

Geisterfahrer* wegen Navi / Wrong-way Driver because of GPS

A truck driver near Bingen in Rheinland-Pfalz turned around on the Autobahn-60 to go in the other direction because his GPS instructed him to "Bitte wenden" ("Please turn around"). The Highway Patrol reported that no one was injured - it's probably a good thing the incident happened during the night. An on-duty police officer happened to see the manoeuver and pulled the 42-year-old driver over shortly afterward. He was not drunk, but rather just blindly trusted his GPS (called a Navi over here).

Under supervision of the police, the driver turned his truck around, but during this manoeuver he bashed into a guard rail and caused €1300 in damage.

*The Germans have a word for a person who drives the wrong way on an Autobahn, road, or street - Geisterfahrer, which can translate to "ghost driver." This is unfortunately a somewhat common accurance, according to the frequency of such reports in the newspaper and on the Verkehrsfunk.

Fünfjähriger tötet Bruder / Five-year-old Kills his Brother

You know this one had to come from the U.S., and I'm not making light of it. I find these reports tragic and absurd.

A young boy in Elmo, Missouri shot and killed his nine-month-old brother with the loaded 22-caliber pistol he found lying on a bed in the home. He picked up the pistol, shot it, and the bullet hit the baby, who lay in a playpen, in the head. No charges will be filed - of course not against the boy, but also not against the parents - because in the U.S. there are no regulations regarding proper storage of loaded or unloaded weapons. It's perfectly legal (though a little stupid) to leave a loaded gun lying around anywhere in one's home whether small children are present or not.

But to end on a positive note...

AirPnP

You've heard of Airbnb, right? People who have unoccupied apartments or rooms in their homes can register with Airbnb and rent the space to travelers, often for less than what a hotel would charge. I haven't tried it out yet but want to and know of plenty of other travel bloggers who have used it repeatedly.

Well! Now there's an app called Airpnp for people who are out and about and find themselves in urgent need of a toilet. The original idea was mainly intended for women, but anyone can use it. Those with toilets to offer register with the site and indicate how much they charge for use, and travelers who find themselves in sudden, urgent need can use the app to find the nearest private toilet. Some charge $1 or more, but believe me, I myself have been in a state where I would have happily paid more if only I could find a pleasant place to...uh...sit for a few moments. 

Although the program did specifically mention a few Airpnp spots in Stuttgart, the app doesn't yet have a big following in Germany. In the Netherlands and Belgium, however, there are tons of people offering their loos for hire.  The idea will probably never catch on in the U.S. because there are public restrooms all over and in pretty much every store. Besides that, except in the big cities people are rarely about without their cars, with which they can easily get to a place with a restroom.

What's been in your news?

Driving in Germany 7: The End

I admit defeat. I'm throwing up the sponge, as Huck Finn would say. I'm done. Thank God for public transportation in Germany.

Photo credit: dumpaday.com

M and I went to Esslingen yesterday so that we could walk from his mother's place to the Grabkapelle Rotenberg. I drove there in the morning, and although M seemed even more nervous this time than in the previous two times I drove long distance (and by "long distance" I mean longer than 10 minutes but less than an hour), it went mostly fine.

We had a really nice walk, sat with his mom afterwards and chatting about all kinds of things, and then went for dinner down in Esslingen at a restaurant we like very much. It was a nice day off (national holiday), and I'm really glad we spent the day that way.

The mistake I made was choosing to drive home after nightfall.

Again I didn't do well with shifting gears (I've probably been doing that wrong since I started driving stick-shift in 1998), choosing a speed, and rounding curves, but I didn't hit anything or anyone, so I guess that's a point for me. I and the drivers around me avoided accidents during that hour, but when we stopped for gas seven miles from home, I handed over the keys and sat sobbing in the passenger seat while M filled up and paid. What a shitty way to end a really nice day.

So what's the big deal about driving over here?

Speed 1

I already earned one speeding ticket for driving 78 km/h in a 70 zone (which is less than 5 miles over the speed limit, folks), so I try to stick to the posted speed limit to avoid another one. This means I have angry fuming Germans behind me much of the time.

Speed 2

Unless there is a posted speed limit on the Autobahn (100 or 120 km/h, slower in construction zones), if I'm not driving at the very least 120 (75 mph), I pretty much have to stay in the right-most lane. This meant, last night, that I kept getting stuck behind cars going even slower than I wanted to go. Honestly, at one point the car in front of me was going 70 km/h (43.5 mph). Ironically, I think that's too slow to be safe on the Autobahn!

Since I am too terrified to merge into the middle lane to pass if I see any cars or headlights in my rearview mirror since they are usually coming at between 120 and 220 km/h, I was stuck for quite a while, and frequently.

Speed 3

There should be no problem with me going 100-120 km/h as long as I stay in the right lane of the Autobahn. But when there is a guy in front of me going even slower and I want to pass him, I need to steel my nerves long enough to briefly move into the middle lane where the average speed seems to be 120-180 km/h regardless of the speed limit. I don't even need to mention the left-most lane, but just for kicks and grins, drivers with the balls to drive there are going 160-240 km/h (99-160 mph) unless there's a traffic jam. I guess they're a little slower in the sections where there are speed limits, but drivers willing to go only 10-20 km/h over the speed limit must stay out of that lane. It is for passing and reckless speeds only.

In the U.S. - or at least in Wisconsin - drivers on the freeways in all lanes are driving roughly the same speed. The limit is 65 mph, and drivers tend to stick between 65 and 75 mph. [That's 104-120 km/h. Huh - look at that! My comfort zone...] Imagine, though, Wisconsin drivers, a car passing you at 220 km/h (137 mph) or even just 180 km/h (112 mph). Knowing this happens every few moments on the Autobahn, I'm hesitant, to say the least, to venture into any lane to my left for any reason. And passing on the right is illegal in Germany.

Merging Traffic

It is impossible for me to trust other drivers on the road, and this becomes the most obvious when one or two lanes of traffic appear on my right and need to merge into my lane. I do realize that my inability to trust others leads to me actually being a menace on the Autobahn. Drivers' only hope of survival is when everyone acts predictably. If cars are merging into my lane at  100-120 km/h (62-75 mph), I need to keep a constant speed, not brake, not accelerate, and let them figure out how to get in front of or behind me. I can't move into the middle or left lane because I'm not willing to go fast enough. In Wisconsin I would get the hell out of their way, and it is normally easy to do so - I just merge left (which is not dangerous because no one coming up behind me is driving 112 mph) and keep going. Here I have cars in two lanes to my left going much faster than I'm going, cars in one or two lanes merging from the right going about my speed because they've just come around a curve but are now accelerating, and I feel like I'm about to be squished like a worm on the street during the running of the bulls in Pamplona.

The fact that this was going on in the dark with blinding headlights all around made it all the worse, of course. I think I will be better off taking my chances with the drunks and shady characters on the night trains than with other drivers on the Autobahn.

Lack of shoulders

In Wisconsin most city streets are wide enough for at least three cars to drive abreast and most roads and all freeways have shoulders. In case of emergency, accident, or panic, one can just get off the road and out of the way. I guess there's not enough space in Germany for roads to also have shoulders. They have thick wooden stakes and ditches instead. Sometimes it's a curb or a stone wall even on a country road. But no shoulder. A shoulder is comforting. A shoulder next to the road says, "Look, you should stay off me, but I'm here if you get into trouble." A German road just says, "Oh, you're in trouble? I don't care, and you are screwed!"

Daily reports of accidents and deaths

There is no day that passes without reports in our little local newspaper about serious accidents resulting in life-threatening injuries or deaths - except Sundays and holidays, when we don't get a newspaper. Quite often the accidents occur during an Überholmanöver (one car passing another). It's safe to assume the driver doing the passing was just too impatient and passed when it was unsafe to do so.  This is likely to happen near me, since as I already said, I try to stick close to the speed limit to avoid additional tickets - but more because I'm still working very hard at even knowing what the speed limit is on any given stretch of road.

Update: the day I published this blog post, this happened in northwestern Germany. The details are too grim for me to want to translate it, so the picture will have to do for readers who don't understand German. Yes, one of the things you see in that picture is half a car.

If I were able to embrace reckless speeds, not get nervous about frustrated and angry tailgaters, and trust other drivers, perhaps this whole "driving in Germany" thing would work, especially if Dori the fish were sitting beside me singing, "Just keep driving, just keeping driving, that's what we do...we drive, drive". But I am not a confident driver (here - I have no issues driving in the U.S.!) and it is therefore dangerous for me to be on German roads. It is better for everyone if I just stay within five miles of our house and take the train or a bus everywhere else.

So....yeah. I have heard many Americans - especially the teenagers in my German classes - say that driving in Germany with no speed limit sounds SO COOL!!  "OMG, what fun!! That would be SOOO  AWESOME!!!"  I think it can only be fun if one is ignorant of the dangers, has a death wish, or just doesn't care about living or dying. It's not fun driving on the Autobahn. It's hard work and takes every ounce of concentration you have.

People who are afraid of horses don't ride. People who are afraid of heights don't climb ladders or church steeples. People who are afraid of water don't swim. So I don't see any reason why someone who is terrified of driving in Germany should drive in Germany. The trains and buses here are fabulous. It's perhaps a little more expensive than driving, but it's a lot cheaper than a fender-bender, which M tells me would likely cost several thousand Euros because of our fancy park-assist feature in the front and back bumpers. It's likely enough that will happen eventually since there is no way for me to avoid driving to the grocery store and the schools where I volunteer. But throwing myself into a situation that is dangerous for not only M's car and me but everyone else on the road as well (i.e. me driving more than five miles from home) just seems foolhardy to me.

Am I being rational? Probably not. How many of your fears are rational?


In case I have any German readers, I'd like to make one plea. In the future when you are driving around and find yourself behind someone who is not driving exactly as you would like him or her to drive (not fast enough, too hesitant, not wanting to overtake another vehicle, etc.), please be careful and patient. It may very well be that the driver is terrified already of the dangers on German roads, and you riding her tailpipe or gesturing wildly, gunning your engine and swerving recklessly around her will only make the situation worse. I have never heard of a driving situation improving because one of the drivers lost his mind with impatience and frustration.

I'll end with a picture of a puppy, because puppies make everything better.

Driving in Germany 6: The Day I Almost Killed a Guy

My husband is going to love reading this when he gets home from work today, don't you think? Yes, the title is slightly exaggerated because I was only going 30 km/h, but my hands are still shaking as I type this.

All I did was drive to the grocery store and back. I do that three to four times a week. The 4-minute drive includes a highway (100 km/h), two city sections (50 km/h), our residential area (30 km/h), one roundabout, and a windy road with no shoulder but big trucks parked on at least one side obscuring our vision and narrowing the road further (50 km/h).

Today on the way home I was enjoying the smell of the fresh basil plant nestled on the back seat and the knowledge that I don't have to go to the store tomorrow because we're set for the weekend, and pondering on a blog post about how Germans frequently scold strangers for doing things they disapprove of - something I had just witnessed again while exiting the store.  On that aforementioned narrow windy road in front of me was a little helmeted man on a little moped driving snug against the right curb. He had to navigate around the semi truck parked on the right, and I drove patiently behind him. After the truck he swerved snug against the right side again almost onto the sidewalk, but then meandered out again and slowed down. I'm still behind him, grumbling by this time about his erratic driving, but not overly annoyed. He angled right again and slowed almost to a stop but not quite, and the road was clear of traffic coming toward us, so I merged into the opposite lane to get around him. I did not gun it, as I've seen many drivers do (to me, also) to show their annoyance.

Then Moped Man hit the gas, swerved sharply left - directly in front of me - as if he were crossing traffic to turn into a driveway (there was no driveway right there). I hit my beautiful brakes so hard that I felt the ABS kick in - that car can stop nearly on a dime - though I still have no idea how I did not hit him with my right bumper. I may or may not have yelled something that vaguely rhymed with "rolly duck" as the pot of basil threw itself to the floor of the back seat and the wine bottles bashed against each other in panic.

He just kept going, swerving now back around to the right to go into the Aldi parking lot. I hate this man.

He was being stupid on his stupid little moped, but still... I am not as familiar with driving laws over here as I should be, but I'm pretty sure that if a little old helmeted man is knocked off his stupid little moped by a woman in a big angry Audi, I'm pretty sure he would not be even partially at fault no matter how erratic his driving was. I would have been responsible for his bruises, cuts, soiled trousers, tears, and stupid broken moped.

However, when I drive slowly behind a bicycle, moped, three-wheeled scooter-car, tractor or whatever without passing it when the oncoming lane is clear, I then have fuming Germans behind me making gestures in my rear-view mirror looking like they are going to convulse and rupture making an awful mess if I don't somehow get out of the way.

I hate....HATE...driving over here. I suppose I wouldn't mind at all if there were no other drivers sharing the road with me, but that's unlikely.


Update: I did have to go to the store the next day because I forgot parmesan cheese. I walked.

Driving in Germany 5: Verkehrssünder!

A mere two weeks ago I wrote about how proud I was to have dared to drive all the way from our house to my mother-in-law's house in Esslingen. In a wildly ironic turn of events, my ego was dramatically deflated when, in the mail last Wednesday I received a love letter from the Bußgeldstelle (German authority in charge of fines) of the Landratsamt (administrative district office) of the Landkreis Böblingen (county of Böblingen), informing me that they caught me speeding recklessly on the B28 (highway) near Bondorf at 10:29 on June 9th.

I am now a Verkehrssünder. That is a real German word, and it translates to "traffic sinner."

This is my mug shot.

Yes, it took them two and a half weeks to get around to informing me of my crime, but give 'em a break - there were two holidays in there (Pentecost and Corpus Christi - which are both full days off here in the south) and a two-week break for Pentecost in which many families go on trips. Was I driving on the B28 on June 9th? Yes, I was. That was actually my very first drive on the Autobahn, though I didn't write about it. I drove home from the Stuttgart airport after Martin and I dropped off a friend. The mug shot was taken just after I exited the Autobahn and turned onto the highway that leads to our town.

Clearly I have to get better at seeing all signs on the roads in Germany. I surely would not knowingly speed (quite the opposite, actually - though most of this highway has a speed limit of 100 km/h, I hover between 80 and 90. That's fast enough for me.). Unlike many places on German highways and roads which don't have speed limit signs because drivers are supposed to know what the speed limit is based on the type of road they're driving on (and there IS a sign indicating what type of road it is - too bad they can't also add a speed limit sign for those of us who are mainly concentrating on not getting killed while merging), I'm sure there was a sign after I exited the Autobahn that indicated the Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung as:

It's a sensible speed limit for an area with on- and off-ramps, merging traffic, and a turn-off to a gas station. But I missed it, probably because I was trying unclench my fists from the steering wheel after those 25 minutes on the Autobahn. They clocked my wicked ass going 79 km/h, or rather that's what they're charging me with after the Toleranzabzug (permissiveness deduction). Nine km/h is equal to 5.5 mph. Wisconsin cops wouldn't even bother with that, but then again all they had to do here was snap my picture and mail me a letter rather than pull me over, check my license and registration, write a ticket, etc.. The missive included the relevant bank account numbers of the Bußgeldstelle, to which I was instructed to wire transfer €10 within one week. (€10 = $13.31) I briefly considered mailing them a photograph of this:

For the record, this is my first speeding ticket since 1988.  

And yes, the €10 taught me an important lesson, and I will go forth and sin no more.

Driving in Germany 4: I finally did it!!

The short version of today’s tale is that I drove all the way from our house to, into, and through Esslingen to get to my mother-in-law’s house and survived to write about it! This was a big step for me, because I truly hate driving over here. I love train travel, but it would admittedly be convenient if I could get over my terror. The problem isn’t that our car has a manual transmission – my Jetta in Wisconsin was stick-shift, too. It’s really more about a debilitating fear that Death is waiting for me in the form of an oncoming or merging Audi, Mercedes, or 18-wheeler. I also naturally do not want to screw up on the road and cause an accident that would inconvenience someone else’s plans for the day.

The whole experience was probably harder on my husband, who was sitting in the passenger seat and apparently had a phantom brake pedal at his feet as well as a door handle that doubled as a steering joystick. He first started a bit when I didn’t stop quite soon enough for his taste as I was backing out of the driveway and our park-assist-beepy-thing changed to a solid buzz. I only looked at him askance – I do this four times a week. THIS part, I can handle. So on we went.

I’ve driven the stretch from our house to the on ramp near Ergenzingen enough times that this was no big deal. And since this was Sunday, driving on the Autobahn wasn’t much of a problem either because trucks are not allowed on the Autobahn on weekends (which is why I chose today to see if I could make it to his mother’s house). I still had to navigate around Wohnwagen (campers) and buses while avoiding getting in the way of Porsches, Mercedes, and Audis peaking over the horizon in my rearview mirror, but at least there were no big trucks. Every five miles or so I had to unclench my fists from the steering wheel (one at a time, of course), shake out my knuckles, and check the cramps in my ankles, but happily I never actually lost feeling in any limbs.

In Wisconsin, for the most part everyone travels within a 10- or 15-mile speed zone – say, between 60 and 75 on the freeway and between 55 and 65 on highways. You get the odd nut from Illinois now and then, but generally the cars are going at predictable speeds. Here in Germany, especially in the sections of the Autobahn where there is no speed limit, you might have one car in the far right lane going 80 km/h (50 mph), a car in the middle lane going 120 (75 mph), and one in the right lane strolling along at 220 (132 mph). I learned today that I really like the zones in which the speed limit is 100 (62 mph), and I am also ok going 120 (75 mph). For about 13 seconds I tried 140 (87 mph), but then returned to a more reasonable speed.

There came a time when I wanted to get around a Wohnwagen, and I asked Martin if I had enough time before our exit. He said, “You still have 15 kilometers.” I silently wondered at what point I should tell him that “kilometer” really doesn’t mean shit to me. I’m bad at judging distances anyway, even in miles. But double-digits sounded safe enough, so after making sure there was not one single car anywhere in my rearview mirror, I sped up to 120 and passed the slow-moving vehicle.

The real fun began when we approached Esslingen. As we neared the city and my heart took on a new rhythm (changing from “nervous bunny” to “freaked out hummingbird”), I started to wonder if I should throw in the sponge and pull in to the McDonald’s we visited in 1998 (the last place I knew where I could pull over) to let Martin take the wheel. I only told him later what I was thinking: “Well, I don’t think I’m actually going to throw up; I just feel a little ‘off’. To hell with it! I can do this!” A new wave of nausea hit as I shot past the McDonald’s and headed for the steep drop around hairpin curves into the heart of downtown Esslingen.

So driving down into town, the speed limit around each hairpin curve was clearly marked: 20 km/h (12 mph). I dutifully slowed down, glad no one was behind me, and cautiously navigated the curve. This felt unusually slow, to be honest, and I almost asked Martin about it since I don’t remember him ever driving that slowly on this road even in the winter. But maybe it feels different in the passenger’s seat. He didn’t say anything, so I just kept on at 50 in the straight stretches, and 20 in the hairpin curves. Fast forward three hours to the three of us sitting on his mother’s balcony discussing the drive, and when I mentioned the speed limit in the curves was 20, Martin said, “Bei Nässe.” Oh. I didn’t see that part of the sign. Here it is:

 “Bei Nässe” means “when it’s wet.” It was a beautiful sunny day and the roads were bone dry.

Yeah, that’s the fun with German road signs. I like red. Red says, “Pay attention to what’s in this red circle!” But apparently I have to also take the time to read all the auxiliary shit on any signs attached to the main sign. I passed three signs telling me to go 20 around these curves, but never once saw the “bei Nässe” signs, which Martin assures me were attached to each one of them.

So then we drove on the “ring” that curves around the Altstadt, and headed up the cliff leading to his mother’s home. This is a 1½-mile stretch of steep, narrow, windy streets with cars parked on at least one side (sometimes both), buses and bicyclists coming in either direction, no stop signs, and cars occasionally coming from a road to the right to which I have to yield despite the lack of signs. All the other 348 times I’ve been in a car driving up those roads to her house, I’ve offered a silent prayer thanking my Maker that I did not have to be the one driving. (One winter Martin was driving up there, and two of the roads leading to her house were so slippery with freshly frozen rain that his car just slid right back down again.) The parked cars on each side of the road create a kind of slalom course which is all kinds of fun when an oncoming car approaches.

Though he was sweating, had a strained look on his face, kept banging at his phantom brake pedal and grasping his door handle, Martin did quite well. He knows I appreciate it if he tells me when I’ve missed a speed limit sign or when I’m in the wrong gear, and he gives me plenty of warning when I need to change lanes. But he drove home, and we both enjoyed the drive much more.

I’d like to say I’m looking forward to my next stint behind the wheel, but I’m not. Still, I made it over this frightening hurdle and it’s now behind me. I have several other challenges awaiting me:

  Driving back from Esslingen

  Driving to or from Esslingen on a week day

  Driving into and parking in a parking garage

  Driving out of a parking garage

  Driving to and from a place other than Esslingen

  Driving in a big city (Esslingen has only 90,000 inhabitants)

  Driving with the radio on or a passenger talking

  Overtaking a slow car on a two-lane road (I have already overtaken a tractor and a bicycle…)

Just for some extra fun, have a look at this photo. Do you spot the signs telling you that there is no longer a speed limit and you can drive as fast as your car can go? 

Please note: I took this photo (and the following) on the way home
 while Martin was driving.

What do you mean, "No?"! Click on the photo - it will get bigger. See them now? Oh, you think it doesn't matter because you wouldn't be driving that fast anyway? Oh, Dearie, it DOES matter. In these zones, keep your ass out of the far left lane if you value your and your passengers' lives. If you get stuck behind some slow guy, just stay the hell behind him. Oh, and don't pass on the right. It's illegal.

Take this example:

See the bumper of the car on the left? If it is going slower than Martin wants to go right now, despite the open hole in front of both of us and in all four lanes, Martin cannot pass him - at least not legally. He has to brake and hope that the other driver will notice that he doesn't belong in the passing lane, and merge right. Then Martin can merge left and get around him. In this particular instance, that car was passing us at some wicked speed. I just wanted to take a picture of how nice the Autobahn can look on a Sunday afternoon without trucks.

Germans Traveling to the U.S.

I have written some advice for American travelers coming to Germany, and since some friends of ours are going to spend part of the summer traveling through the U.S., I started thinking about what glitches Germans could face because of different cultural norms. Some of this may be common knowledge, but a reminder can't hurt and it's always good to try to avoid awkward situations.

What might Germans find strange or unexpected while visiting the United States? (Remember I'm from Smalltown, Wisconsin and did my best to avoid the big cities, so some of my points may not apply to places like New York City or downtown Los Angeles.)

General

1. How friendly and helpful most people are. If you look lost or confused, it's likely a perfect stranger will stop and ask if you need help.


2. Public restrooms (WCs) are found all over - in shopping malls, gas stations, parks, large stores, libraries, etc.) - and there is no charge to use them. It's not called the "WC", however. That term/abbreviation is not used in the U.S..
   


3. Americans are uncomfortable with the word "toilet" and don't use it. The sign for a public WC will say "restroom," "Ladies' room," "Men's room," or (less commonly) "Lavatory", or simply show an obvious pictogram. In Americans' homes it is called the bathroom even when there is no bathtub in it.


4. Most things are cheaper in the U.S. - dining out, drinks, clothing (especially jeans!), gasoline, energy/electricity...


5. American flags fly everywhere and you'll see them on t-shirts and jackets, as stickers stuck to cars and windows, and flying on poles at private residences and on lampposts in the streets of cities and towns. Nationalism and patriotism are big in the U.S..


6. The typical dress in the summer = t-shirts or tank tops, shorts, flip-flops and baseball caps*.
   Typical in the winter = jeans, sweatshirts, boots, and baseball caps.
   Men/boys do not wear capris or fashionable scarves.
   *baseball caps are a guy thing.


7. The price you see on a menu or on signs and tags in a store is always less than you will actually pay. Local and/or state sales tax is added at the time you pay, and can be up to 9.75% (though it's usually 5-7%).


8. It is unusual for people to pay with cash these days for anything costing more than $10, though you're perfectly able to do so. Even at McDonald's, where your bill might be only $5.28, you can pay with VISA or Mastercard.


9. Americans appreciate, and in fact require, plenty of personal space. Keep about an arm's length distance from strangers wherever possible and try to avoid brushing against or bumping into people.


10. Most buildings, homes, stores, businesses, and vehicles are kept very cold in the summer (by air conditioning). No matter how hot and humid it is outside, if you plan to be inside anywhere during the day, I recommend bringing a sweater or sweatshirt along.

Restaurants

1. If you order water in a restaurant it will be full of ice cubes, flat (uncarbonated), and free.


2. Most restaurants offer free refills of most non-alcoholic drinks (soda, lemonade, iced tea), including coffee!  In most fast food places you fill and re-fill your own drinks from a machine.


3. No matter what you order to eat, you will likely be faced with many choices: what side dish you would like, what kind of dressing you want on your salad, how you want your meat or eggs cooked, which kind of bread you'd like for toast (though it's all basically Toastbrot), and if you would like anything additional (ketchup, mayonnaise, butter, sour cream...)


4. Waiters interrupt your meal at sit-down restaurants to ask how everything is and if you want anything else (free refills, for instance) about every 5-10 minutes. They are not being rude - Americans expect this kind of service when they dine out.


5. The tip is not included on your bill. An additional 18-20% tip is recommended, and you may leave the tip on the table. Do not leave coins smaller than quarters (25 cents). It is not necessary to include the cost of drinks in the 18-20% tip; you can figure it just on the food.  If you pay with a credit card, there is always a line on the receipt you sign where you can write in the tip and add that to your bill.


6. You may be surprised by unnaturally colored and flavored food and drinks: Pink lemonade, bright blue sweet drink ("blue raspberry"), yellow soda (Mt. Dew), and bright red or pink sweet n' sour sauce in Chinese restaurants are several examples. Americans like to sweeten their iced tea, water, and coffee with flavors like various fruits (cold drinks) or chocolate, vanilla, nuts, or fruit (coffee). Most drinks are much sweeter in the U.S., so prepare for a sugar-shock if you order flavored water, tea, or lemonade.



These are flavored mixed drinks (Whiskeyschorle-supersüß).
I don't recommend them despite the price ($1.00/€0,74 each).



7. Food is generally sweeter as well (yogurt, cereal, applesauce, baked goods), and deep-fried food is very common and popular. In Wisconsin we even deep fry balls of cheese (cheese curds), and they're delicious!


8. Most pubs, bars, bar-restaurants, and hotel bars have a "Happy Hour" from around 17:00 to 20:00. During Happy Hour drinks are especially cheap - often you pay for one beer or vodka gimlet and get two.

Beach & Swim Culture

1. Guys: do NOT wear Speedos at a beach or pool (or anywhere else) unless you are a professional competitive swimmer at a competition. Swim trunks (Badehosen) for guys should reach or almost reach the knees and look like shorts.


2. Your toddlers/children must never be naked in public, including at beaches, pools, in fountains, play areas, or in private yards. In the U.S., nudity = pornography and/or perversion.


3. Keep your swim suits on in saunas.


4. Women are not allowed to go topless on beaches - or anywhere in public or where they could be seen by non-family members (such as patios, balconies, and back yards).


5. Do not change into or out of swim suits except in a locker room, changing room (Umkleidekabine), or bathroom.

Driving

In case you plan to rent a car...

1. Road rules are pretty relaxed compared to in Germany.


2. It's best to pass on the left on the freeway (Autobahn), but it's not illegal to pass on the right and many people do it.


3. You don't need to worry about the "Rechts vor Links" rule because most of our intersections have stop signs, yield signs, or traffic lights. It's "First come, first served" at 4-way stop intersections: whoever arrives first at the intersection goes first.


4. The stop signs in large parking lots are serious; yes you do need to stop at each one.


5. "Right on Red": At an intersection with a traffic light, if you are turning right and there is no one coming from the left, you may proceed after stopping even if your light is red - unless you see a sign saying "NO TURN ON RED."


6. Few people actually drive the speed limit. It is generally accepted to drive up to 9 mph over the speed limit on highways and freeways and up to 5 mph faster in towns. That doesn't mean you should, just that it's unlikely a policeman will stop you for doing so. In parts of Illinois (between O'Hare airport and the Wisconsin border, for instance), the speed limit is 55 or 65 mph, but if you "go with the speed of traffic" you'll find yourself driving about 85 mph - which is still only 137 km/h. Just remember that neither the cars sold in the U.S. nor the roads were designed for the speeds allowed on the Autobahn in Germany.


7. If you see flashy lights (ambulence, fire truck, police car), pull over. If they are behind you in your lane or in front of you in the oncoming lane - PULL OVER. Stop until the vehicle has passed you. Martin would like to add that if you do not do this, your American wife will panic and start shouting at you. On the highway or freeway, just pull into the furthest right lane until the vehicle has passed. 


8. You will see police cars all over, just watching traffic, waiting for violators - in towns and cities, parked on the sides of highways and freeways, in parks and waysides, and on bridges and exit ramps and on ramps. They might be taking a coffee & donut break, and they might be waiting to find someone to pull over for a violation.


9. On the freeway if you see someone stopped on the shoulder (emergency vehicles, a broken-down car, etc.), merge into the left lane if you can safely do so to allow extra space. If you cannot merge, slow down.


10. Helmets are not required for motorcycle drivers over age 18 (at least in Wisconsin). Many motorcyclists wear shorts, t-shirts or tank tops, and sandals when riding.


11. Pedestrians do not stick to crosswalks and do not adhere to red crossing lights. They cross streets and roads whenever and wherever they want to. It is still illegal to hit them with your car, motorcycle, or bike.

Remember, these differences in cultural norms are not weird or dumb. They are just different. Andere Länder, andere Sitten.  Different strokes for different folks!

Cars and their Germans

When I got into my husband's car the other day, it dawned on me that, although the car is three years old, it still has that "new car" smell. I got to thinking that I could probably write a blog post of titanic length about Germans and their cars. I am not the first; many articles and chapters of books about Germans and how they live have already been written about this devoted and dedicated relationship.

This is mainly a man thing. Most German women, like American women, view cars as a means to get to where we're going and back. But for many German men, their identities are intimately connected to - even wrapped up in - their cars. They take great pride in the car's appearance and cleanliness and will spend more time washing and polishing it than anything else they possess. Their office desks might resemble a disaster zone following a hurricane, but their cars will be spotless inside and out. You will rarely see a car on the road in Germany (especially in the Schwabenland) with a spot of rust on it, and you'll never see duct tape holding parts together. You won't even see many dents or scratches. A German will tell his son to "toughen up!" if he gets dented or scratched on the soccer field, but he'll call the car doctor for an appointment before leaving the scene of a fender-bender.

Here in the Schwabenland (Swabia), Saturday is car-washing day if the temperature is above freezing. The car doesn't need to be washed every Saturday, but when it needs doing, it's done on Saturday, preferably in the morning while his wife does the Kehrwoche. He washes the outside, vacuums the inside, cleans the windows inside and out, washes the wheels and tires, and then polishes the body. Although automatic car washes are becoming more common, the proper Swabian washes his car himself in his driveway. Lovingly. Martin says that the true frugal Swabian washes his car with a cotton swab, and when he's finished the second tip can still be used to clean out an ear.

It has been (jokingly?) said that German men love their cars more than they love their women. While that's not the case in our family, I can understand it objectively - the car doesn't give the man lip or complain about how long it's been since he last spent quality time with it, it doesn't nag or tell him what to do, it doesn't gossip or tell him about problems it doesn't want fixed, it's ready to go as soon as he is, it doesn't make him wait for hours while it browses through racks and racks of new, stylish tires, and it doesn't blame him for things that aren't his fault.

Photo by M.H.

Nothing for ungood, but the long-standing stereotypes associated with German drivers of certain cars may be informative and fun.*  Apparently...

• Audi drivers are impatient, aggressive, tail-gating social-climbers.
• Porsche drivers are incessant, reckless speeding egomaniacs.
• Drivers of classic Mercedes cars always assume they have the right-of-way and are usually over 50. 
• VW drivers are moms and dads (or grandpas, if the car is silver).
• BMW drivers are manly, athletic, arrogant, and lack the sex appeal of Porsche drivers.
• Opel drivers are working class wage-earners.

These are just stereotypes, of course, which are often enthusiastically discussed and debated at man-gatherings.

So why does our car still smell new? Not only does Martin wash, clean, and polish it when necessary, but we do not drink anything except water while in the car, so there's no chance of spilling any beverages. We do not eat in the car, so it will never take on that stale, greasy odor from a forgotten French fry that fell between the seats. No one smokes in the car, we don't get into the car with muddy boots, I don't apply perfume while in the car, and we don't have smelly, hairy pets or small children. Therefore we don't need to use an air freshener to cover the smell of old coffee, hamburgers, tobacco, mud, poo, or wet dog. Our car is a car, and not a bathroom, make-up parlor, restaurant, smoking lounge, or kennel - all the things my first car after college in America was.

What does this mean for American visitors? I often told my students before their homestays:

1. Do not lean on any cars!
2. Do not let anything bump the car when getting in or out.
3. Do NOT eat or drink anything in someone's car - don't even ask permission to do so.
4. Do not finger-draw on the windows if they fog up.
5. Close the doors and trunk - do not slam them.
6. If the driver offers to put your heavy suitcase in the trunk, let him. It's not that he's being gentlemanly - he does not trust you to do it without banging the suitcase against the car.

If drinking coffee or a Coke is not done in cars, you might wonder why cars here have cup holders. The Germans don't know either. They're usually used for storing the driver's wallet or sunglasses.

The photo above is Martin's previous car. I would have taken a current photo, but our car is at the TüV today getting its biennial safety and emissions check-up...

*Do remember - all generalizations are false, including this one.

Driving in Germany 3: Look what I found!

STOP!! Hold everything!  Look at what I found yesterday in our little town!

That's right - it's a STOP SIGN!  I have been on the hunt for a stop sign for several weeks now - just to take a picture of one and blog about it - but kept coming up dry. Until yesterday.* Neither in our town (pop. 2200) nor in Horb (pop. 6000) did I remember coming across one nor could I find one. But this one is at a narrow T-intersection with limited visibility on a street coming from a residential area onto the highway snaking through our town. It's such a sketchy corner that a left turn here is illegal.

My German readers are wondering, "What's your point?"  My American readers are thinking, "What do you mean there are no stop signs? How does THAT work?" In Wisconsin not only do we have stop signs on almost every corner where minor streets cross major ones, but we even have multiple stop signs in grocery store and shopping mall parking lots! Uncontrolled intersections are almost unheard of, and 4-way stops (meaning EVERYONE has to stop whether there are other cars in sight or not) are the norm.

I can almost assure you there are no 4-way stops anywhere in Germany. Where there is an intersection where cars come from more than three directions, there is either a stoplight or a roundabout. Many intersections are only three-way intersections, and for those the Germans have the "rechts vor links" rule. Simply put, if someone is coming from your right, YOU YIELD unless there is a sign telling you you have the right-of-way.

This yellow diamond tells me I don't have to yield to drivers coming from my right.

Incidentally, the speed limit in residential areas in Germany is 30 km/h, which is 18.5 mph. Damn, it seems faster than that - or maybe it's that I'm the only one actually driving the speed limit. The speed limit for normal streets within city limits is 50 km/h, which I just discovered is 31 mph. It has always felt like 50 mph to me...

I must admit, though, I like the lack of stop signs. If no one is coming, I don't need to stop even when I'm turning onto a main road. Of course I slow down and make sure, but if I no one is coming, I can keep going. Why are there no stop signs in parking lots in Germany? I suspect it's because officials are counting on drivers' grasp of the obvious: if there are pedestrians walking in the parking lot, don't hit them. Where there are intersections in parking lots, the "rechts vor links" rule applies. In situations where signs and rules are unclear, drivers tend to do their best not to hit anything or anyone, because it messes up their cars.

And just sayin', but the person who thought to develop the roundabout instead of the 4-way stop deserves a medal. Simply brilliant.

*To be fair, the only reason I was able to find the above stop sign in my little village was because it was mentioned in the local newspaper the other day. I think it's new.

Driving in Germany 1: Speed limits
Driving in Germany 2: Verkehrsfunk

I'll do it for potatoes

I love Bratkartoffeln. Ok, maybe not love, but they are one of my very favorite side dishes. Sometimes I plan our main course based on what goes well with Bratkartoffeln because we haven't had them in several days. Sometimes they ARE the main course.

The dish to the right is Bratkartoffeln Tiroler Art (Fried Potatoes Tirolean style). The potatoes are boiled first and then sliced, and fried with diced onions. For the Tiroler Art, we add whatever we find in our fridge: mushrooms, leftover pork tenderloin, bacon, basil, and tomatoes. Leave out the pork and add a fried or scrambled egg, and you have a Bauernfrühstück (Farmer's Breakfast).

I screwed up this simple dish often enough in the beginning, but when we had a Kochkurs (cooking class) at our favorite local restaurant, the chef gave us some great tips to get it right every time. I still can't beat his Bratkartoffeln, but I'm not trying to.

One of the tips the chef gave us was to check out the Sautter Kartoffelhof (potato farm) in Bondorf, a village 13,5 km (ca. 8 miles; 15 minutes by car) from us. They have a little store in their barn where one can buy just about any kind of potato that exists, as well as vacuum-sealed cooked and peeled potatoes and potato salad made fresh that morning. Martin and I have driven there twice together and are very happy with the cooked & peeled potatoes for our Bratkartoffeln. Just open the bag, run 1/3 of them through the potato slicer, and fry them with onions. Otherwise we have to boil the potatoes the day before, and we don't always plan that far ahead. This is quite a convenience.

However, the Kartoffelhof is only open in the mornings. Martin is at the office in the mornings. He did take an hour off one morning the first time we drove there, and the second time we stopped on the way back from an appointment. But he can't keep taking time off from work to buy potatoes. Today I decided it was time to put on the big girl pants and drive there myself.

"Big deal!", you say. "Eight miles? 15 minutes?" If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know how deathly afraid I am of driving here. Narrow winding roads one must share with semis and buses, a relatively big car, the awareness of the possibility that Death is waiting around every corner and curve in the form of an impatient Audi driver overtaking a line of trucks, and all that...  There are three places I drive to comfortably enough: the grocery store, the school where I teach the Englisch-AG, and the Bahnhof in Horb (train station). I did drive one other time, with Martin in the car, to the gas station where he fills our tank, but he drove back. Until today I had not driven more than 3 miles alone.

My mom snapped this picture of me driving through Horb one day last year. Is that a look of mortal fear, or deep concentration? I was driving my parents to the Bahnhof, and the rule in the car was "NO talking!"

The 8-mile trek to the Kartoffelhof involves three Ortsdurchfahrten (the main road through a town), a Bundesstraße (state highway), two small residential areas, and a back road behind a farm. I'm still not used to the "links vor rechts" rule, so I have to consciously remind myself of it when I'm not on a main road. Speed limits are still guesswork for me at times, so I have to keep my eyes peeled for signs. I still love the "the speed limit is no longer 50 km/h" signs. "That's great. Mind telling me what it IS??"

This morning I decided to get in the car and go before thinking about it too much. I've chickened out several times before, but the weekend is near, and I wanted some potatoes! I decided the life-and-death gamble of driving on German roads was worth it. Unsurprisingly, it ended up being no big deal. There wasn't a lot of traffic on the roads, and I didn't take any wrong turns. There were no near accidents, the roads were dry, and no Audi drivers were climbing up my tailpipe trying to push me to go faster. I was so proud of myself I had to set aside some work that has been piling up and blog about my accomplishment!

So I'll drive on the narrow curvy highway and through two towns - reminding myself out loud to "yield to drivers from the right!" - just so I don't have to boil and peel my own potatoes.  Whatever works, I guess. At least I got out there, tackled another driving milestone, and survived to tell about it.

Driving in Germany 2: Verkehrsfunk

You're driving down the interstate, listening to the radio, probably singing along, shaking your head at the drivers around you who are drifting all over while talking on their cell phones, and suddenly the car in front of you swerves and you see a chunk of tire on the lane right in front of you. You're in luck and are able to navigate safely around it, heart pounding, glad you had both hands on the wheel!  Wouldn't it be nice if there were a way for drivers to warn each other of obstructions on the road?

In Germany, we have this. It's called Verkehrsfunk, or "traffic radio". This is a service that many radio stations provide for their region. As long as the driver has his radio or entertainment system switched on, he is likely to get traffic updates regularly as well as when something sudden or new shows up on a major road.  During the regular broadcast, often right in the middle of a song, the Verkehrsfunk busts in with its intro tone and the DJ makes her report: "Attention on the A8 Stuttgart toward Munich between Wendlingen and Kirchheim, there is a bag of peas lying in the right lane."  So if you are heading in that direction you know to slow down and/or get out of the right lane to avoid a nasty surprise or accident.

The interruption comes in even if we're listening to our own music on a CD or mp3 player, as long as the "Infotainment System", as Audi calls it, is on.

We have heard all kinds of warnings about various objects and obstacles on the Autobahnen and Bundesstrassen during our travels over the years. Just to mention a few of the more memorable ones:

   a bicycle basket
   an entire bicycle
   tree branches
   wild pigs (this one is fairly common)
   a hub cap
   people involved in an accident (Rule #1: Get onto the grass as quickly as possible!)
   people on an overpass throwing rocks at cars (What is wrong with people?!?)
   an ostrich who escaped from a zoo
   a dog
   a charcoal grill
   several sheep
   a picnic basket
   a dresser drawer
   a wheel (begging the question...where is the car that dropped the wheel??)
   a board of wood
   a shovel
   cows
   a mattress
   a surfboard
   a llama (escaped from a traveling circus)
 
The Verkehrsfunk also reports on something you will get very used to if you drive anywhere in Germany: Staus (traffic jams). Driving in Germany is a little bit like playing connect-the-traffic-jams. You just drive from one to the next, though sometimes (usually Sundays) you can manage an entire hour without coming upon one. For those of you who still think there are no speed limits on Germany's Autobahnen, sorry to disappoint you. Sure, there are stretches without speed limits, but the Staus are so frequent that you'll hardly get your rental car up to 200 km/h before you have to slow down again.

This service is helpful, though, and I wished for it often in Wisconsin. When you come to a Stau in Germany, it won't usually be more than 10 minutes before the Verkehrsfunk will let you know the cause of the Stau and how far it stretches. The length is reported in kilometers, of course, which still doesn't help me much, but M is usually driving anyway. Then you can decide whether to abandon the Autobahn and take another route or not. At the very least you know approximately how long you'll be creeping along, which should help with your impatience and stress level. No sense in getting your knickers in a knot if you know you're stuck for 12 km, because getting worked up isn't going to help.

Perhaps the most important announcements the Verkehrsfunk makes are the warnings of Geisterfahrer ("ghost driver"). A Geisterfahrer is someone who is driving the wrong way on a highway, and sadly this happens way too frequently, often causing horrible accidents. Officials are trying to figure out what, if anything, can be done to reduce the number of Geisterfahrer. Signs like the one above have gone up here and there, and some have proposed installing spikes on exit ramps that would puncture tires of cars using the ramps to enter the Autobahn, but that could prevent emergency vehicles from reaching accidents quickly.  I don't really know what can be done to prevent Geisterfahrer, since sadly they are often either drunk, elderly and confused, or suicidal. I'm just glad there are people and police officers who call in to the Verkehrsfunk to report these and other hazards, so at least there may be a chance to prevent bad accidents.

Unlike with commercials, I look forward to the tone that tells me the Verkehrsfunk is about to report. There's always the chance that there will be some announcement crazier than the ones I've heard in the past. I think the winner so far is the ostrich. The DJ added that people should please drive carefully in that area, because the Ostrich Frau was anxious about her husband's safety and eager for his return.

Fahr vorsichtig!  (Drive carefully!)


Driving in Germany 1: Speed limits
Driving in Germany 3: Stop sign