Ah, die Deutsche Post

I've joined a few online expat groups in recent months, which has led to quite a few laughs, incredulous "No way!"'s and feelings of empathy and comraderie. I've never had much desire to connect with other expats, but I can enjoy meeting people from around the world. And since I only want to be sociable when I feel like being sociable, the online nature of these groups works well for me. I have been learning that many out there share the kinds of trials, tribulations, and triumphs that I encounter, too, as an expat.

In one of the groups I have seen quite a few grumbles about the service provided by the Deutsche Post and DHL. I've thought often enough "Gosh, I haven't had any trouble with mail or deliveries. I wonder what's going on with them. Maybe deliveries are more problematic in big cities. 'Cuz things have been fine here."

Well, the Deutsche Post and DHL must have heard me.

"Shit! We missed one" Hold my beer, I got this!"

I finally got around to doing my taxes this past weekend. Yesterday I tried to mail them.

I went to the Post Filiale (branch/outlet) in our grocery store - you know, where they sell cigarettes, tobacco, magazines, gift cards, shisha pipes, purses, and lottery tickets. I go there frequently enough that the regular employee knows me.

She wasn't there yesterday. It was some young pup I'd never seen before. Ugh. Well, it shouldn't be a problem, because like the little planner I am, I weighed the envelope on our kitchen scale, measured its dimensions, and figured the postage on the Deutsche Post website: €3,70.

I handed my envelope to the young woman and said in German "This is for the USA." Xanthippe (not her real name) plopped the envelope onto the scale, looked at her screen, and said, "That'll be 90 cents."

"Uh...really? I think it's much more."

Xanthippe looks again, scans something, and says, "Yep, it's 90 cents."

A postcard costs 90 cents to the USA. I can't mail a Christmas card for 90 cents if I include a letter of normal size.

But she's employed by the Deutsche Post. She knows more than I do, right? She's got machines, booklets, and pieces of paper taped to the countertop with pricing info. Surely she has the right information and I'm somehow wrong - although I know I'm not! Maybe there's a special today on mailing tax forms to the IRS. Maybe it qualifies for some reason for the price of a regular international letter stamp. You do get used to being told you're wrong here, and as a result doubting yourself.

She rang up the 90 cents, I paid, waited for my receipt, and walked away with the feeling my taxes and I would be seeing each other again soon.

This afternoon I opened our mailbox and, along with 4 flyers from various political parties pertaining to the big EU election and a local one coming up on Sunday, found myself staring at the backside of what I knew would be my taxes.

Yep.

Now, if you look closely at the envelope, you'll see that there are two stamps on it - one for 90 cents, and one for €1,45 (total €2,35). But I had only paid 90 cents. That means after I walked away Xanthippe had second thoughts and added an extra stamp. Unfortunately, despite all the resources available to her at her workplace, she still wasn't able to figure out the correct amount, so the envelope came back to me anyway.

So I took the envelope, my receipt, and a new envelope to the Post outlet again. This time it was someone else, a man whom I've seen before, so that was comforting. I explained the situation and expressed my concern because these are my TAXES. He checked in a brochure and looked closely at the yellow sticker on the envelope. He confirmed that the postage should have been €3,70.

Now look at the yellow sticker. It says an international Großbrief costs €3,70 in small print. Then it says in larger print that I still owe €1,25. I didn't even notice that error, but Bernhard the Post guy (not his real name) used his calculator to check. I don't owe an additional €1,25, but rather €1,35!

Had Bernhard not checked, the envelope would have been returned to me AGAIN with insufficient postage, begging the question "How many screw-ups does it take to get an envelope from Germany to the IRS?". Then again, since a mail carrier in our town threw hundreds of undelivered pieces of mail into the Altpapier container last summer because she was overwhelmed by her job, I can be grateful my taxes were returned to me.

Now for the PSA portion of this post: When you are in Germany, be like the Germans. When you know you're right, stand your ground and say confidently (but politely, because you're an American) "You are wrong!" When you have done your research and know from previous experience that what a German is telling you cannot be true, then insist that he or she check the computer, brochures, whatever. Don't be cowed into thinking you might be wrong because the other person is, well...German. If you're just buying a bag of Spätzle and it's cheaper than you expected, good for you. But trust me, the Deutsche Post doesn't work that way.

If this had only happened once to me, I wouldn't be writing about it. But it happened at Christmas also, with something I was mailing to my kids. And apparently it has happened to quite a few expats - one commented that she knew that big yellow sticker covering the IRS's address could be peeled off and moved because the same thing happened to her with all of her Christmas cards: the postal worker told her the postage was less than she'd figured, so she paid what she was told, and all 50 cards came back to her the next day.

I don't think the Deutsche Post sucks. Nobody's perfect, after all! I was mostly annoyed with myself for doubting what I knew was right and backing down, just because a German employee gave me different information. I told Bernhard this has happened here before, and asked if next time I should insist? He said "Yes, tell her to check the brochure." (Not the website, mind you. The brochure.) He also said he would talk to his coworker. "She's new." He didn't apologize for my inconvenience (Germans in customer service don't generally apologize), but he solved my problem and assured me my tax documents would now head on their way to the IRS.

Here's hoping.

Update: The envelope came back again, this time without the big yellow sticker and without explanation. I gave up and handed it to a friend of mine who lives in the US but was visiting family in Germany, and she put it in the U.S. mail for me when she returned home.

Hunting in Germany: Part 1

Der Weg zum Jagdschein

For more than a year now I have been seriously interested in pursuing falconry and becoming a Falknerin. In order to meet this goal in Germany I need to first earn my hunter's license. I went back and forth for months wondering whether I really had a chance at accomplishing this, and by now I have taken the leap and begun my pursuit.

These two brochures from the Landesjagdverband e.V. and
Deutscher Jagdverband e.V. contain lots of helpful information
about hunting in Germany, some of which I include below.

As is my style, I wanted to find out everything I could before signing up for a class. I want to go into this with my eyes wide open. I didn't necessarily anticipate that my eyes would pop open with shock and awe, but oh well. At least I know what I'm getting into.

To help me mentally prepare for what is upon my doorstep (my hunting class begins in June), I wanted to write this post - perhaps also for posterity. I suspect anyone from the homeland who knows about hunting and hunting license requirements there will be rather surprised at the way things are done in Germany.

Prerequisites for Hunting in Germany

• Completion of a certified Jagdkurs [hunting course] (min. 130 hours)
• Successful completion of the 3-part Jägerprüfung [hunting test]  (written, oral, shooting)
• Possession/purchase of Jagdhaftpflichtversicherung [hunting liability insurance]
• Minimum age of 16 (limited/probationary license)
  Minimum age of 18 (regular license)
• No criminal record
• Mental and physical fitness and aptitude
• Cost: €1500 - €2000 (hunting course + test)

Jagdschulen / Hunting Schools

There are many private hunting schools in Baden-Württemberg. I needed to shop around to find the type of class that fit best to my learning style and schedule, and with the help of a family friend - the former Landesjägermeister of Baden-Württemberg - I've settled on the Landesjagdschule Dornsberg, (LJS) not far from the Bodensee.

Types of Courses

Except for evening classes, the courses are generally made up of 18 or so eight-hour days. Those days include classroom work, practical and hands-on instruction (identifying flora & fauna, gun handling & safety, and field dressing [gutting] prey, for instance) and shooting. The LJS allows students to combine sessions from the various types of courses when flexibility is required.

Compact Course, Summer

The "summer holidays" in Germany are only six weeks long, so this class is quick and intense. The one at the LJS runs for three weeks including one two-day break and an intensive three-day review session before the test.

Weekend Course

This course is run one weekend a month, Friday through Sunday, followed by a final eight-day block, and stretches over five to six months.

Compact Course in 3 Blocks

This course extends from June through August, one week per month. This is the one I've chosen because I know I need time in between blocks to review and prepare for the next one. This also includes the intensive three-day review session before the test. The test is scheduled for the time we'll be in Scotland, so I will be taking it in November. We'll find out if that's an advantage (more time to study) or a disadvantage (more time to forget stuff).

Theory Topics

There are five different areas of study for the theoretical portion of the class, which takes about 100 hours of instruction. This is where I will be wishing I had paid better attention in the few science classes I couldn't avoid taking while still in high school. Seriously, I believe I took one year of basic biology. In college I took geology because it was the lowest/easiest science class one could take to meet the graduation requirement. My 50-year-old self would like to travel back in time and whack my 16-year-old self with a 2-by-4.

• Wildtierökologie & Revierbetreuung [Zoology; Animal Biology & Care of Hunting Ground]
• Waffentechnik, Waffenrecht, und Führen von Jagdwaffen [Weapons Technology, Gun Laws, and Weapons Use and Safety]
• Jagdausübung, Jagdarten, Jagdeinrichtung, tierschutz- und artgerechte Haltung &  Haltung, Führen und Einsatz von Jagdhunden [Hunting Practices, Types of Hunting, Hunting Devices, Species-appropriate Care and Training of Hunting Dogs in accordance with Animal Welfare]
• Jagdrecht, Tierschutzrecht, Naturschutzrecht und Landschaftspflegerecht, Jagdethik [Laws pertaining to Hunting, Animal Protection, Environmental Protection andLandscape Maintenance, Hunting Ethics]
• Wildkrankheiten und Behandlung von erlegtem Wild [Wild Game Illnesses and Handling of slain Game]

In addition I will be learning about and tested on:

• Wildhege [Gamekeeping]
• Biotoppflege [Care & Maintenance of Habitats]
• Land- und Waldbau [Agriculture & Forestry]
• Wildschadenverhütung in Feld und Wald [Prevention of damage caused by wild game in field and forest]

At the Jagdhundetag
LJS Dornsberg, April 2019

Why do I have to learn about the care and training of dogs? Because in Germany "Jagd ohne Hund ist Schund" ["Hunting without a dog is rubbish"]. I have read again and again that there is no type of hunting for which a suitable and well-trained dog is not necessary. In other words, one should never hunt without a dog. The dog can assist the hunter in flushing out game, but perhaps the more important part is finding and retrieving or leading the hunter to the dead or wounded animal.

For the shooting part of my education, I will need to learn how to handle and shoot with the Langwaffen [rifle and shotgun] and Kurzwaffe [pistol and revolver]. At this point I can't even tell a rifle apart from a shotgun, so the gun business might be my biggest challenge.

THE TEST

The state hunting test stretches over two or three days. The entire test is conducted in German; there are no accommodations for non-native speakers like me.

1. Written Test

This is a multiple-choice test with 25 questions on each of the five topics I listed above. In B-W, there are anywhere from three to six possible answers to choose from, and any number from 1 to 5 could be correct. You are not told how many answers are correct, but grammar can help here with the phrasing of the question. (“Which of the following animals IS…” vs. “Which of the following animals ARE…”) I have 150 minutes to answer the 125 questions.

Thank goodness the entire pool of 1250 questions
is available on the internet.

2. Weapons Handling and Shooting Test

For this part I need to demonstrate skill and accuracy at shooting with rifle and shotgun as well as handling the weapons safely. If I fail at this, I fail the test; I cannot compensate for lack of competence with guns with really good performance on the written portion of the test.

Büchse [Rifle]: 

I need to be able to shoot a stationary deer target from 100 meters (328 ft) and a moving wild boar target from 50-60 meters (164-197 ft).  None of the targets are real/live!

Flinte [Shotgun]:

I must shoot running rabbit targets from 35 meters (115 ft).

Kurzwaffe [pistol and revolver]:

This is for short-range, as in ending a wounded animal. It sounds like I won't be tested on this in B-W, but other states might require it.

Büchse? Flinte?
Clay pigeons were the target.
Tennessee USA, 2014

3. Oral and Practical Test

I will be tested on all five topics here as well, this time in front of a panel of judges. This could involve a walk through the hunting ground with a hunting simulation in which I have to tell how it should be properly handled. I will be required to identify hunting dog breeds, game animals, internal organs of game, plants, and trees from photos, models, or in the field. I am as yet unsure if I will need to actually "field dress" an animal during this portion of the test.

Can you identify this breed?

What about these two?

If I pass that test, I will then be able to apply for my Jagdschein [hunting license] and then a Waffenbesitzkarte [license to own a gun]. If I do not feel confident with the guns and shooting, I can skip that part of the test, and passing the other two sections, I could then get an eingeschränkter Jagdschein [limited hunting license]. That would be enough for me to then pursue my Falknerschein [falconer's license].

Hunting in Wisconsin

If I had written this blog post about what I personally would need to do to obtain a hunting license and go hunting in Wisconsin (USA) if I were still a resident, it would have been much shorter:

1. Obtain (buy) a gun.*
2. Register the gun with the proper authorities.
3. Pay $165 for a Conservation Patron hunting license (allowing me to hunt all types of large and small game available in Wisconsin).
4. Find somewhere to hunt.

*This used to involve a 48-hour waiting period, but ex-governor Scott Walker repealed that in 2015. There is now no waiting period in Wisconsin, though the required background check does take 3 to 5 minutes.

Since I was born before January 1, 1973, I would not need to take any kind of class: Not a hunter's safety course, and not a course on how to handle a gun. I could buy any type of legal gun at a sporting goods store.

If I decided a class would actually be a good idea so I have some clue how to aim and shoot, which animals I am allowed to shoot, etc., I could find a Hunter Education Course in most communities or take an online class. The one I linked to costs $24.50. A hunter over the age of 18 pays an additional $10, though I don't know why. I found an in-person weekend class in southern Wisconsin which runs Saturday and Sunday for eight hours each and costs $10 total for the two days. Many such classes are taught by volunteers - experienced hunters who are enthusiastic about teaching.

The German Jägerprüfung, or hunting test, is often called "das grüne Abitur." (The regular Abitur is the graduation test students in Germany must pass at the end of high school in order to qualify to study at a university.) This is serious business, and it requires weeks and months, if not years, of study and preparation. I hope I am up to the challenge.

All things to do with hunting in Germany begin and end with horn blowing.
LJS Dornsberg, Jagdhundetag, April 2019

Manners and Etiquette: Knigge Part 2

I promised in a post from last month that I would come back and write more about Knigge, focusing on travel. As it turns out, my flights to and from Newark, NJ (USA) to visit my kids in Pennsylvania weren't as bad as expected. However, looking through Silke Schneider-Flaig's book about German Knigge and reflecting on my own experiences did give me a few ideas.

So here we are for Part 2. Some of these are from the Knigge book, and some are my own pleas tips.

At the Check-In & Security

• Arrive early enough to cut down on your own stress. Know that at every major airport in the world, traffic to the terminals is thick and chaotic, so plan more time than you think you need.


• Do not blame other passengers or airline personnel for your misfortunes or bad planning. You will have much better luck getting assistance if you are calm and reasonable.


• Have your passport or i.d. at hand (take it out while you are waiting in line) rather than approaching the counter and then starting to dig for it.


• While waiting in line to approach the nudie scanners at security, remove everything you can (watch, belt, bracelets) and put it all in a jacket pocket or pocket of your carry-on. Have your tablet or laptop ready to be placed separately in a bin, as well as your "freedom bag" (the 1-quart Ziplock bag containing your dangerous liquids and gels).


• Watch the travelers in front of you. If they are required to remove their shoes and place them in a bin, be ready to remove yours.

At the Gate

• Before they call for boarding, put the items you will need during the flight (for me those are my noise-canceling headphones and MP3 player, a book, a notebook, a pen, reading glasses, hand lotion and lip balm because it's dry as buggers up there) into a smaller bag you have packed in your carry-on for this purpose.


• Everyone boarding the plane will be taking off together at the same time. So pushing, shoving, and trying to sneak in before your section is called is foolishness. 

In the Airplane

• Get to your seat, stow your carry-on in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you, and sit down. Get out of people's way and do not block the aisle.
  This is easy as pie if you have done what I mentioned in the section above, because you have the most important items in your little bag - which you will need to put under the seat in front of you for take-off! You can live without everything else until the plane reaches cruising altitude.


• Silke Schneider-Flaig recommends to help older folks and parents traveling alone, but I would change that to offer your help. Don't just step in and grab their stuff to toss in an overhead bin. ASK if they would like your help.


• Do not put your seat back unless you are actually trying to sleep. When you fail at sleeping, put your seat back upright again. Honestly, folks, that extra inch of recline will not help you and will be a torture to the person behind you.


• Put your seat back upright during meals! If the person in front of you doesn't do so, ask him or her politely rather than seething in silence.


• If you expect assistance and cooperation in the event of an emergency, pay attention to the safety video or flight attendants going through procedures, or at least shut up long enough for the rest of us to listen. It's a matter of respect in my view, and it doesn't matter that I've heard this spiel 86 times already.


• For the love of all that is  holy, wear socks! Do not display your bare feet to others, and do not rest your foot on the arm rest of the poor soul in front of you.


• Take cues from the person next to you as to whether s/he wants to chat or not. Just because you're excited to start your vacation doesn't mean the business traveler next to you wants to chit-chat.


• On most international flights these days the planes are equipped with touchscreen displays on the back of the seat in front of each traveler. Thanks, airplane designers; that was a great idea. They never work as well as our mobile phone and tablet touchscreens, and this leads to people banging their fingers on the displays. To see what this feels like, strap a book to your upper back or neck and have someone bang on it repeatedly with her finger.
  DO NOT BANG ON THE TOUCHSCREEN! It's a touchscreen, not a bangscreen.

Honestly, everything regarding Knigge for travelers boils down to keeping calm and not causing problems for those around you. For this you need a healthy dose of self-awareness as well as acknowledgement of people around you.

One final tidbit of advice: WASH YOUR HANDS whenever you have the chance. On my flight home last month I saw the 10-year-old kid across the aisle from me sneeze a goober into his hand, and since he was too proud to ask his mom for a tissue, he wiped in on his seatbelt that was dangling into the aisle. As fate would have it, his dad wanted to switch seats with him for landing. They did, and the goober ended up on Dad's hand. At least it stayed in the family. 

One of the many morals of that story is that you never know what filth has been on the things in the plane you have to touch. The cleaning crew does their best in a very short amount of time, but they cannot possibly disinfect everything you will have to touch. It really isn't that much of a mystery why people commonly get sick with a cold or the flu after flying...

What etiquette tips do you have for international flights??

Hihowareyou??

I am so damn sick of superficiality. Smartphones and Facebook & Co. have turned us into people who don’t have time for real communication with each other because we’re too busy playing games and scrolling through our feeds to see if we missed some meaningless thing that we can “like” or “LOL” about. And talking with each other about something deep and meaningful? Well, forget that. Small talk. That’s safe and noncommittal. We don’t have to think if we stick to small talk. “Hihowareyou?” Even German teens I spoke to recently knew before I “warned” them that this isn’t actually a question and that there’s only one correct answer to it in the U.S.: “Fine, thanks, how are you?” Don’t bother with anything else.

In November 2014 a former German student of mine in Wisconsin – a really nice and funny kid in my class and on my first trip with students to Germany in 2000, whom I remember well – brutally attacked, tortured, and repeatedly stabbed a couple in Virginia and is now serving two life sentences + 98 years. When the cops found him he was wearing only an adult diaper and muttering in German. German he learned from me, presumably.

Last November a friend of mine here in our area allegedly murdered a close friend of his – a wealthy German man who was very involved with helping local refugees. M.O. is/was as friendly as an American – had a huge smile whenever he saw me or anyone else, and had asked me to tutor him in English because he wanted to go to the US someday. We never got around to that and weren’t closer friends only due to lack of more effort on my part. I wrote a blog post about him after he’d submitted a letter to the local newspaper about how grateful the Syrians were for Germany’s welcome and help. I introduced my dad to him. We took photos.

I heard about the crime when it was reported and a few days later learned from a mutual friend who the alleged killer was. I did not believe it. I know him. I also did not believe it a few weeks later as more details emerged. It just didn’t compute. It still doesn’t. He has been sitting in U-Haft since November, accused of the crime. After months of investigation he and an accomplice were officially charged recently and there will be a trial. I still remember and think of him as he was when I last saw him – same with my former student.

What’s my point? I don’t know. Things happen. People snap and do horrible things. How do you know your good friend (or, as in the case of my former student, the spouse of an employee you fired) isn’t going to turn on you? How do you know anyone? You don't. I can count on one hand minus a few fingers the number of people who really know me and want to. That's ok. Maybe it's best that way.

But yeah… I am done with superficial conversations and small talk. I’m done with “Hihowareyou?”

What are you struggling with? What are you passionate about? What makes you tick? How can we make our relationship/friendship better? What do you need from me? What can I learn from you? Let’s talk about politics, gun laws, climate change, and religion. Let’s challenge each other! Let’s talk about why I annoy you. 

Ha, never mind that last one. It’s probably because I can't stand small talk and superficiality.

By the way, it's probably best if you don't ask me how I am for a while. I am not "fine".

A Question for US-Americans

I have a question connected to U.S. immigration, visas, etc. I’m asking this publicly because I’m really hoping for some answers. 

What is America so afraid of? 

I mean the government (and I don’t mean just the current administration) and many of the people (“I need a gun for protection” & “immigrants are going to steal our jobs”). Immigration officers are required to assume applicants are trying to sneak in and stay illegally to screw the U.S., and the legal immigration process can take years. Visitors to the US are treated as criminals at immigration, finger-printed, interrogated (even shouted at), and I can only imagine what it’s like for a person/family who isn’t white or wears a head scarf to go through that process.

Is it just the fear of terrorism, or is there something more? I was in WI on 9/11, and I was at the Shanksville Memorial a week ago. The horror of that day and the following weeks was hard to live through and it’s still hard to fathom now. 

Terrorism – foreign and domestic – happens all over the world, and it’s awful every time. But when I have flown as a foreigner to Scotland (Lockerbie), England (Westminster 2017), Germany (Berlin 2016), and Vienna (1985) I have not met with this suspicion and fear. There are armed military guards all around in all airports I’ve seen; they’re watching over us and we’re used to that. M and I had to go through a maze of regulations and piles of paperwork in order to get married in Scotland, having to prove that we would not stay and be a burden on their social system. But upon arrival we were welcomed, not greeted with paranoia, suspicion and fear.

Tower of Voices monument
Shanksville, PA USA

A friend of mine was recently denied a visa to spend 3 months on a study abroad program in the U.S. – because he is from Syria. Had he been from Saudi Arabia, like the 9/11 terrorist pilots, he might have been granted a visa for his study program. Saudi Arabia isn’t on the travel ban (EO 13769).

The sweet Schwiegertochter (daughter-in-law) of a friend of mine is facing trouble with immigration because of this general fear and suspicion. She just wants to stay, work, and live in the U.S., and contribute to her household, pay taxes, and be able to visit her family overseas. But she’s stuck in limbo while immigration officials try to figure out how evil she really is, what she’s lying about, and how she is trying to screw the U.S.. I know they can’t just look at a person and say, “Well, she looks nice & friendly, I’m sure this one is ok.” There is paperwork, there are interviews, there are documents to produce. Of course each country needs a vetting process.

I had to do all of that, too, when I immigrated to Germany. But not once was I met with a sense of suspicion or fear. I went to the necessary offices, found out what I needed to produce, brought in the mounds of paperwork, had my photo and fingerprints taken, and received my residency permit a few weeks later. Three years after that I went to the local foreigner’s office again, applied for and received my permanent residency permit. Again, no suspicion, no paranoia, no fear. Just a speck of time and some more paperwork.

Tourists entering Europe do not get finger-printed and photographed. When I enter the U.S., even I as a citizen get my mug shot taken in connection to my customs form, though I’m spared the finger-printing. When I entered the U.S. (as a U.S. citizen!!) two weeks ago, I was questioned about why I was gone ("I live in Germany"), why I live in Germany ("because I love it there"), how long I will be staying ("1 week"), where I will be staying ("Pennsylvania") and why I was visiting ("to see my kids"). When I return to Germany, they ask me nothing. When I was living in the U.S. and visiting Germany, they also rarely asked me any questions. 

America, I'm just not feelin' the love.

So that's my question: What is America so terribly afraid of, that visitors and immigrants are treated with such suspicion when they approach the U.S. whether for tourist travel, business trips, visiting family, or with the intent to immigrate, when other countries (though surely not all) manage to welcome people?


Gone are these days, I guess. (Shameless plug for a song and group I really like.)


P.S. Apparently Blogger often has issues with comments. Feel free to email me instead (click on the postcard image in the upper left on a laptop screen; don't know how it works if you're using a tablet or smartphone) and let me know whether I can publish your response!
amiimschwabenland@gmail.com